Oh, crazy. There you are.

In the past week or so, the crazy showed up. Of course, I didn't realize it was the crazy - I just thought everyone was judging me, that people were purposely pissing me off, and that I just wasn't good enough for anyone. 

Then, yesterday, while I was steaming about something Bundy had done several days ago to piss me off, I suddenly asked myself, "Yumi, why aren't you able to let this GO?" And it dawned on me that perhaps, just maybe, the crazy was here. 

Well, considering that on December 24, I was royally pissed off at Mark and Janine for having the temerity to go out of town for Christmas to visit their families, it is in fact possible that the crazy had showed up. 

I was *so* angry all the time. If I wasn't angry, I was filled with anxiety. Christmas Day was, I'm sorry to say, not fantastic for me. It was great to see Moe enjoying his first Christmas, but I spent a lot of time feeling judged and just not good enough. 

Shortly after asking myself what the hell my damage was, it occurred to me that maybe I was dealing with some hormonal changes related to weaning. So I asked Google. 

And Google answered. 

Let me be clear - I didn't enter into weaning without doing my research. I read about the best ways to wean, the physical risks associated with weaning, signs and symptoms of mastitis, etc. NOWHERE did it mention that weaning could bring the crazy, and especially the crazy in someone with a history of depression. Some of the reading I did mentioned that I might feel kind of sad about losing this connection. Nobody said anything about turning into a freaking nutcase. 

But it makes sense. I often feel best in the morning, when my breasts are fullest. I still nurse him first thing in the morning, and once during the day. I am happiest after these feedings. This morning, around 11am, I felt the crazy spiraling. What on earth was wrong with me? I'm lackin' prolactin. 

If I had known the risks, I'd have gone about the process much, much more slowly. And right now, I'm not taking any further steps to eliminate those last two feedings. I just have to make sure I have a back-up bottle for the one during the day - I often don't have enough.

I have been so unhappy about weaning that it crossed my mind several times in the past week or so to just stop, to go back to pumping to increase my milk supply again, and to just keep nursing for a while longer. Sure, maybe I could even pump at work and keep this up once my leave is over. But you know what? I have to wean him sometime. And I've begun. And it isn't fair to change the rules on him now. Besides, it won't be any easier the next time. 

In the meantime, it's nice to know a) the crazy is here and the world isn't out to get me, b) *why* the crazy is suddenly here, and c) that my husband and family support me in my quest to beat the crazy down. 

I was telling Bundy and my mom that I figured out that the crazy was here, and they were both staring at me as if to say, as politely as possible, "DUH." Yeah, THEY knew something was wrong. I didn't - I just thought everyone was suddenly being an asshole. 

It hasn't been this bad since I was on Clomid. I didn't have the crazy when I was pregnant. I was a bit more emotional, but I know how to deal with that. I did have it in those first three days postpartum, but I knew it was coming and was able to accept that yep, this was what I'd been warned about. 

So, yeah. The crazy is here. But I know it will get better.

Interesting

At six o'clock this morning, my son did something he has never done before. He was hungry and he refused a bottle. He sobbed, pushing the bottle away angrily. He was demanding to be breast fed. 

I nursed him. He was lucky - it was first thing in the morning, so I was pretty engorged. He wrapped his soft little hands around my breast and stroked it gently as he nursed. His eyebrows furrowed, as though he was putting every ounce of concentration into enjoying this moment and the connection between us. It broke my heart and warmed it at the same time.

Once I was empty (after hardly any time at all), I offered him the bottle again. He refused it, and cried as I put him back in his crib. His little sobs and sniffles gradually abated as he fell asleep again. 

I don't want to stop breastfeeding. I absolutely love it. I have enjoyed the convenience, the connection, the knowledge that although there were so many things my body wasn't able to do to create my son, it was at least able to nourish him. And I know how incredibly lucky I am to have been able to do it. I thanked my stars every day. But my milk supply was starting to decrease, and I thought it made more sense to do it now while we had a lot of time, rather than do it with the "back to work" deadline looming over us. 

The weaning has been going really well. But I guess it was too much to ask that he wouldn't notice the change, that my (albeit incredibly adaptable) baby would be able to completely give up something he loves so much without any protest at all. And in a way, I find it reassuring. He's showing me that he has enjoyed nursing as much as I have over the past 10 months.

The Long Goodbye

I've started weaning because there have been a few feedings now where Moe is still hungry after I'm tapped dry. So I gave him a bottle last night before bed. (Cut to me in the bathroom, expressing milk into a washcloth to reduce the engorgement in my left breast.) He's never had a problem taking a bottle, so I know this process will go pretty well. But I'll miss breastfeeding. I'll miss the way our eyes would meet, the way his chubby little hands would sometimes pat my boob, as if to say, "good boob, I love you". I'll even miss the way he would pull off just as the letdown was starting, causing milk to spray everywhere. I'm so pleased I was able to breastfeed - it erased any insecurities I had about him not being of my DNA. It was something we were able to learn together - although it didn't come easily. I'm really grateful for the nursing necklace Ardently made me - I'll keep it as a memento of this special time we shared.

In the meantime, I'm going to start bottle feed him every other feeding, and see where that gets us. Today went really well. I pumped early in the morning to deal with the engorgement, and nursed him once. Other than that, he was getting bottles or sippy cups.

Dear Moe (10 months)

Oh, sweet baby, the time is flying by. And you are getting so big so quickly. You haven’t increased in size much this month, but wow, have you ever made strides in terms of your abilities. Every day there seems to be something new that you can do.

The biggest change is that you’re crawling! Oh yes, you figured it out! Around the end of November, you found first gear and it didn’t take very long for you to become totally mobile. And just this past week or so, you’ve started pulling yourself up onto your knees, sitting back on your haunches. You’re working very hard to pull up to standing, and you enjoy “walking” with our help.

You’re not too interested in your exersaucer anymore, except to use it to pull yourself up. But you do still enjoy spending some time in your playpen, which is nice for me, because it gives me a chance to get a few things done in the kitchen or the living room.

For the most part, we keep the TV off during the day, except for 4:00 pm, when Ellen comes on. You love Ellen. It’s crazy. You’ll sit quite happily in your playpen, or snuggle with me on the couch, and you can’t take your eyes off her. I can understand why you like the show - it’s upbeat, there’s music, we dance, there’s a lot of laughter and clapping. It’s nice that we can have something to watch together!

You’re making all kinds of new sounds, too. I’m pretty darn sure you say “Dadada” and “Mamama” (and mean it) and for a little while you were making this awesome sound like “neg-neg-neg”. I’d like you to start spending a bit less time with your soother in - I love to hear you chat.

You wave hello and goodbye, you greet people with a smile, and you’re still very much the smiley and happy baby we love so much. You have some great ticklish spots, you’re learning how to do an eskimo kiss, and you love dancing and being tossed around. Nothing is better than the sound of your laugh.

You have not gotten used to the vaccum. I thought if I kept using it, you’d eventually get used to the noise. Now you cry before I even turn it on. But I’ll keep persevering.

Teething is back with a vengeance right now. You drool like a St Bernard, and I can tell your gums are really bothering you when you chew on Chomp or Sophie only to toss them aside in frustration. But you still have no teeth to show for all that effort and discomfort.

Your sleep patterns have changed again - you generally do longer stretches at night waking up only once (except when teething is bad), and you’re taking two naps a day instead of three. Sometimes we struggle a bit after the first night-time wake up, but it’s getting better.

Your skin has gotten so much better since we took you off of poultry and eggs. You enjoy eating cheese, you love a good Baby Num Num cracker, and we give you either pork or beef every day. We’re working on getting more fish in there, too. You’ve started drinking cows milk now - you like it out of a sippy cup, not a bottle. But if we give you formula, you prefer that out of a bottle. You love your wheat biscuit cereal, and your fruit (apples, blueberries, strawberries, mixed fruit). You can chew whole peas and pieces of carrot and potato in your stew, and you enjoy the occasional serving of soggy cheerios. You still haven’t mastered picking up the cheerios up to feed yourself, but they can be slippy little buggers, so I understand. I tried giving you melon, and while you enjoyed it, you also sucked all the juice out and spit out the pieces.

I take you out for sleigh ride every day, if possible. You like to lean slightly to one side and let your hand trail along beside the sleigh. We’ve lost a mitten this way, but recovered it on the way home. It also means I have to be pretty careful where I pull the sled - I don’t want you running your mitt through anything gross! The other day we went to the park and you got back on your swing - you were pretty happy to see that you could still swing in the winter. You look so cute in your snowsuit with your hat and scarf - a little blue bird with brown and red trimming.

We took you to one of our favourite holiday events this year - the annual Mochitsuki. You did beautifully in such a crowded place. You watched the rice pounding with mild interest, but it was the Taiko drumming that got you really excited. You kicked your legs and laughed and swung your arms. It was wonderful. We’ve been waiting a long, long time to bring you there. And the Japanese Ambassador took notice of you and gave you a little tickle under the chin as he passed by.

And our Christmas tree is up! At first, you weren’t keen to touch it at all (I can’t say we were sorry), but now you reach out with cautious interest. Occasionally, the low branches poke you in the bum as you scoot around, and you often protest with great indignation. It takes up a lot of room in the living room, so I’m glad you don’t totally hate it. We put up your two Christmas ornaments - the Baby’s First Christmas Mickey Mouse ornament your Grandpa brought you from Walt Disney World just after you were born, and the Winnie the Pooh Baby’s First Christmas ornament I bought you. I think we’ll wait until Christmas Eve to put any gifts under the tree, though!

Little boy, you love your Daddy so much. You have so much fun with him - especially just before and after your bath. You laugh, you dance, you squeal in delight. You wave goodnight to him every night - even when he’s not there! And it’s wonderful to hear you say “Dadadada.” (Almost as awesome as when you say “Mamamama.”)

We had a holiday gathering here just before my birthday. There were more than 30 people in the house, between 5pm and 8pm. You did beautifully. You remained in great spirits, you didn’t mind the crowds, you played with everyone so well, and were generally a delight. It was magical. You never cease to amaze us, Moe.

We’re going to your very first birthday party this afternoon! Your little friend Emily is turning one - I’m sure it will be an exciting time for you and all your friends. :)

You love playing with your train, as well as with your plastic vegetables. I bought you a ball recently, and you enjoy rolling it back and forth. I can’t wait for you to see what Santa is going to bring you...

Thank you so much for making 2010 the best year of my life, little man. You are so much fun to play with, to cuddle, to sing to, to dance with. We are so lucky to have you in our life. I love you.

Dear Moe (9 months)

Hi, sweetheart. You turned nine months old a few days ago. I’m a bit late with your letter because we had to say goodbye to your "furry brother". Boo got very sick and we needed to say goodbye to him. I know you won’t remember him, so I’ll tell you a bit about him.

He was very good to you. He never took a swipe at you or bit you, even when you grabbed his fur. He liked being near you, unless you were screeching. He occasionally gave you headbutts of love, or marked your feet with his cheeks. If you cried from distress (as opposed to crying from hunger) he would meow at us until we fixed the problem. He would come into your room at bedtime, and leave as soon as you were settled in my arms. I’m glad we have some photos of both of you together.

It’s been a busy month, my sweet pea. You have really found your voice - you make all kinds of great sounds. You can do g-g-g, d-d-d, r-r-r and b-b-b. You love to yell and screech, especially in a place where it echoes. Sometimes it sounds like you’re trying to echolocate. You also like to make clicking sounds. Lately you are also making a sound that is kind of like a roar - you do it in your high chair. We call it "hulk smash". And in the evenings, you frequently make wookie noises. So we say, "Hulk by day, wookie by night." You’re awesome, no matter what noise you make. Even the bat chat.

You are scooting around at great speeds, turning yourself about and shuffling backwards. Still no forward crawling, but it will come. It’s actually really nice that I can put you down on the floor and you can amuse yourself without moving too far. But I know it won’t last! You enjoy standing at your exersaucer or in your room at your crib.

You love playing with your train and your beads. Your absolutely favourite toy is your turtle, though. Granny bought it for you as a bath toy, but you take it everywhere. I won’t let you keep it in your crib, though, because you won’t sleep! You love that turtle - you smile when we pull it out for you. You enjoy teething on it, sticking his head in your mouth, and chatting to it.

You love to be cuddled, which is just fine with me. Usually by 4pm, you’re getting a bit weary. So we watch Ellen together on the couch, and you let me snuggle you while you play with your remote. (We call it the Moemote - it’s small and doesn’t work anything.) I love the smell of your hair, and the feeling of your hands on my arm. You love Ellen. You smile when you see her, and you love to dance with her.

You love to dance with anyone, in fact. We still try and dance at least once a day with you - you laugh and smile and shriek with delight. And it’s good exercise for us! We dance to our music, but also to a classic Sesame Street CD and some tunes by John Ligthgow. You’re also a fan of the Pixar soundtrack album. We all dance together to “If I Didn’t Have You”. And I’ve been introducing you to Edith Piaf.

You had your first Halloween, and you were a total trooper. We went to a few houses on our street to show you off, then we headed to Aunt Janine and Uncle Mark’s where you hung out with your buddy Zaphod. You had a great time.

We brought you to an allergist this month, too. It turns out that you’re allergic to eggs. Once we eliminated any food with noodles in it (as they contain eggs) as well as poultry, your skin cleared up quite a bit. We were also told that with your eczema, you have an increased risk of asthma. So we’re trying to stay aware of that. You charmed all the people in the waiting room at the allergist, and distracted them from their itchy arms. And when you cried a very little bit when the doctor pricked you, they were all very sad for you. But you got over it quickly and were back to your sunny self again right away. I was so proud.

We’ve done a few nice outings with you, despite poor weather. We hit the Agriculture Museum together, where you saw the animals. And I brought you to Mer Bleue Boardwalk where Jeannie and her girls showed you how to feed the chickadees. You love observing the world around you. You sit quietly and watch and take everything in.

I brought you to see Reg on Remembrance Day, and you were amazing. You sat on his lap quietly and thoughtfully while we watched the ceremony on TV. I think he really enjoyed having you there.

You are sleeping pretty darn well these days. You went through a growth spurt for a week where you took 3-hour naps and did 8-hour stretches at night. It was bliss. You’re back to your old self now, but you average 6-hour stretches at night, and I can live with that. You also go to bed a lot easier than you used to.

You make us laugh and smile all the time. We call you the "make everything better machine". It’s so gratifying that you really seem to enjoy spending time with us! We love spending time with you. Keep growing into the thoughtful, sweet, smiley little boy you are. 

Dear Moe (8 months)

Sweet baby, you are eight months old today. And every day you find new ways to show us just how awesome you are.

You had your first cold this month, and we quickly acquired a humidifier for your room. It helped during the cold, and it has helped since then as well. It was very hard to see you sick and unhappy - we knew something was wrong right away because you just weren’t your sunny usual self. The hardest part was that you clearly WANTED to be sunny and happy - you were trying hard, in fact, but the cold kept beating you down. We were very happy when you overcame it.

Your hair is getting pretty long. The faux-hawk is kind of getting weighed down, and it’s getting harder and harder to comb off the cradle cap on the front of your head because all that hair gets in the way. I’m torn between wanting to give you a hair cut and wanting to keep your soft little locks all baby soft for a bit longer. Either way, when you do eventually get a hair cut, you can bet that the little alfalfa sprout I love so much is going to get snipped off and saved.

For the most part, you sleep very well. We have maybe one night in seven when you struggle to go down, and a similar ratio of nights where you wake up a lot. Daddy just put together your new crib, which is lower to the ground than your old one. We want you to be able to enjoy that mobile for a bit longer - and you love it so much. Also, this isn’t a drop-side crib, so we don’t worry about the hardware breaking. This crib is a bit darker for you than they old one - the headboard and footboard are solid instead of spindled - so it may take a bit of getting used to.

Let’s talk about what makes you laugh and smile. You love to dance. I mean, you LOVE to dance. Whether it’s one of us bouncing you around to music or you dancing in your Jolly Jumper, nothing makes you happier than expressing yourself through movement. You love it when we sing together, when we clap to songs, and when we play games that involve repeating a beat.

Making you laugh is so much fun - I can go the easy route and tickle your ribs, but it’s more fun to find new and different things that make you smile. Funny faces, funny sounds, when I get out of the shower and am wearing nothing but a towel on my head... these all crack you up. Your Granny and Grandma live to see you smile and hear your howls of laughter. Your Daddy knows all the spots to tickle to get you to squeal.

You are sitting up by yourself really well now. We rarely have a topple, and when we do, you recover pretty quickly. You like to chill in your laundry basket, which I can tote around the house from room to room as I get things done. You can sit in your playpen without falling over too quickly. If I need to, I can feed you as you sit on the floor. You haven’t mastered going from sitting to all fours yet, but that will come.

And you’re good on all fours. We often come into your room to find you in your crib with your knees under you, rocking forward and backward. You are great at turning around on your belly, and you can go backwards pretty well, but you still haven’t quite figured out crawling yet. It won’t be long - you are so close and very eager. (And then the fun will start...!)

We have a carpet in your bedroom now, and it’s a great place for you to stretch out and practice crawling. But I have to vacuum it every couple of days or it makes you stuffy. (Or, I put a blanket down on it.) The alphabet pads in the living room aren’t as good for you to practice on anymore - you have learned how to lift the letters and eat them. We’re going to look at getting you a play carpet - something with roads and streets on it that you can use for years. Something a little less edible.

You are getting so good at observational learning. Banging blocks together, shaking your rattle, playing with your wire-and-bead toy - you see what we do and try and copy us. You learn so quickly. I’m trying to teach you about your different parts - I’m looking forward to when I can say, "Moe, where’s your nose?" and you’ll point to it. We’re also working on animals - I’m hoping you’ll be able to point to them soon, too.

I think we saw your very first sign on Daddy’s birthday. You signed "more" while in your high chair. I have no idea if you knew what it meant, but you can bet you got more food as soon as you did it. It was so gratifying - I didn’t know if we were being consistent enough with the signing. This gave me the confidence to keep going with them. We just focus on a couple right now - "more" and "all done". If and when you master those, we’ll move on to some others.

We still work hard to get outside every day - often to the park. You had your first time in the baby swing a few weeks ago, and you also experienced a teeter totter! So now we try and hit the swings every day. You’ve also tried the slide, but weren’t terribly impressed.

Daddy loves to cook for you - he’s made you chicken casserole, fish casserole, and beef stew. We tried a pork and apple dish, but I think the parsnips didn’t agree with you. He’s going to try that one again without them. You eat homemade sweet potatoes, carrots and prune-apricot blend. I’ve pretty much stopped giving you cereal. The only store-bought food we give you these days are fruit blends. But Melissa just gave us a huge bag of baby food, so we’re incorporating those into your homemade food blends. We haven’t really found a food you don’t like, although we have found a couple that don’t agree with you. (You love strawberries, but I think they give you a rash.) You’re going for allergy testing in November, so we’ll see what comes of that. You enjoy the occasional Baby Mum Mum and you are getting really good at holding your sippy cup by yourself - it has to be pretty full, though, or else you just suck air!

You are really starting to enjoy your toys now - they aren’t just things on which to teethe. You have two noisy trains that you enjoy, you love banging your rattle on anything you can reach, you can spend ages playing with the wire-and-bead toy, you enjoy your old school Fisher Price TV music box that Daddy bought for you, and your new stacking blocks bring you much pleasure. You are now able to totally turn yourself about in your exersaucer (still no sign of figure saucing, though - we can only hope). It seems like every day, you find something new that you can do. It must be exhausting for your brain to be learning so quickly!

You bring us such joy every day. I look forward to hanging out with you each day and sharing new adventures with you. You bring smiles to the faces of everyone you meet. You are amazing. We love you so much.

Dear Moe (Seven Months)

Well, my love, you’re seven months old today. It doesn’t seem possible that you’ve been part of our lives for more than half a year. And what a time it’s been. You find new ways every day to bring us joy.

Just after your turned six months old, we attended a very special picnic together as a family. The Ottawa Fertility Centre hosted a picnic to celebrate the families it has helped create. Despite the rain, it was a really wonderful experience to be surrounded by all these children that were hoped for and dreamed of for so long. And it was lovely to introduce you to the doctors and staff who were so supportive of us during our journey while we looked for you. They hold the picnic every two years; we intend to go again. And again.

And we travelled together as a family for the first time! You and Daddy and Granny and I all drove to Toronto together for Aunt Natalie and Uncle Darin’s wedding. We stayed with your Tia and Tio for the first night - you slept in a playpen for the first time, and you slept through the night! I didn’t. Then we spent two nights at a downtown hotel, and you did so well. The whole trip with you was such a joy. You behaved beautifully during the wedding ceremony and at the dinner at the restaurant afterwards. And you had some beautiful smiles for your new Uncle Darin - I think he was pretty enchanted with you.

In the last month, you have made huge strides in your solid food adventure. We have gone from rice cereal once a day to a wide variety of solid foods three times a day. So far, you’re a very easy going eater - you have liked pretty much everything we put in front of you. You’re just not big on the thicker textures yet. You drink water from a sippy cup with each meal. You’re even making noises about wanting to hold the spoon yourself. Occasionally, we get frustrated with each other - you like to chew on the high chair tray, I don’t let you. You’ve also been known to knock the spoon out of my hand in your exuberance. The solid food has also created other challenges - you now eat a serving of prunes once a day, and I never thought I’d say this, but I miss your infant poops.

And you are almost at the point where you can sit independently on your own. We still need to do a great deal of spotting, because you’re pretty wobbly, but we’ve seen you sit for extended periods of time without assistance. It’s been wonderful.

We have a few regular weekly adventures together, assuming your napping schedule permits. On Monday afternoons we attend the Baby and Me Drop In Playgroup at the Ontario Early Years Centre. There are a lot of cool toys for you to play with there, and a lot of older kids who are already crawling. On Tuesday morning, we go to a playgroup at Shannon’s house and you play with Elianne and Emily, and often the two Alexes are there, too. It’s a lovely time for Mommy - these are the mommies and babies we met through the Well Baby Clinic. It’s been really special to watch you all grow and develop. And for the past couple of weeks, we’ve been going to the Library on Fridays. We cruise the board book section together and bring home new stories to read. You had an especially positive reaction to Cat the Cat, Who is That? by Moe Willems. Maybe you just like the author’s name. I think you like the illustrations. We might have to buy that one for you.

We’ve had to move you up to 9 months sized clothing now, and I put you in blue jeans for the first time a week or so ago. You look like such a big boy! My baby is gone, and I have a delightful little boy instead. Granny has decided that the turtle is your totem animal - you have lots of turtle toys, your turtle onesie is one of your cutest, and let’s face it, when you’re trying to crawl, you kind of look like a turtle. A small, adorable turtle. So Granny bought you a great mealtime bib with turtles on it.

Granny and your Grandma love you so much - they are here as often as they can be and you smile when they come through the door. Your Grandma has a special song that she sings to you. If either of them have had a hard day, you are what makes the day so much better for them. Your Daddy and I feel the same way.

It’s interesting to see how you deal with unfamiliar situations. If the room is crowded or loud or the situation is new, you withdraw a bit, but you remain very intent on observing what is going on around you. As you get more comfortable, you become more verbal, and you relax.

The last few nights, we’ve struggled with your sinus congestion. You seem to have seasonal allergies. Your nose isn’t stuffed up in a way that I can aspirate - it’s your sinuses that are stuffed. So we’ve taken to spending some time in the bathroom with the hot shower running. It loosens things up. But you are still struggling to get to sleep.

We just love spending time with you. Your smile makes us smile, your laugh is the best sound ever. You are so patient and kind and sweet. You are adorable, lovable and at times hilarious. The best part of my day is right after you wake up from a nap - you’re smiley and cuddly.

We love you so much, little Moe. We tell you that a lot, but I don’t think you’ll ever really know how much we adore you. You make our life complete. Keep being so wonderful. We’ll keep doing our best to be everything you need us to be.

Dear Moe (Just Because)

I forgot to tell you, sweetie! When we went for your 6-month appointment, you were weighed and measured. You're 18 lbs, 4 oz. You are in the 75th percentile for height and weight and the 50th for head circumference.

You're such a handsome little devil. :)

Love, Mommy

Dear Moe (Just Because)

You, sir, are made of awesome. Yesterday you outdid yourself. We had people over to stain our deck and you were the picture of patience and goodness. You napped for 2 hours during your lunchtime nap. You were sweet and wonderful and easy going.

We brought you to Uncle Ted's to swim in the pool, and the goodness continued. A small protest about the shock of the water temperature, but you were happy to paddle about with me in the nicest pool in Ottawa.

A friend needed a little cheering up, and you came through. Staring with adorable eyes, giving smiles and giggles.

You ate dinner like a rock star, handled your bath with aplomb. And went to bed at 6:45pm.

Not too shabby for a baby who is teething and constipated.

We love you so much. You are made of awesomesauce, little dude. xoxo

Dear Moe (Just Because)

Can I tell you how amazing you are? You had a rough day today - teething coupled with being woken from your morning nap to go to the doctor where you had to sit patiently through my appointment and then deal with being poked and prodded for your own appointment. Two shots, one in each leg.

And you were the best trooper ever. You were so patient and amused yourself and were so darn GOOD that the doctor could barely believe it. You have the sweetest smile and are just so wonderful to have around.

You're not a bad sleeper, either, despite the problems we're having right now. You nap well. You can fall asleep on your own. And once you are asleep at night, you typically only wake once (sometimes twice) and you go right back to sleep without a problem.

It's just GETTING you to sleep for the long haul that is giving us some trouble. But we'll work it out together. Honestly, if this is the biggest issue with you, we're so lucky. You're awesome.

Dear Moe (Six Months)

Hello, my darling. It’s very hard to believe, but you are six months old now. It makes me sad to think that my leave with you is half over, but you are turning into such a wonderful little boy that I’m looking forward to the next six months so much.

You are really observant! You watch us eat and drink with great interest. You watch our facial expressions. You watch the cat. Do you ever watch the cat... it’s only a matter of time before you make a grab for that tail! You have these beautiful brown eyes that follow what we’re doing. So we’re trying to set a good example.

You have the sweetest smile and the best laugh. In fact, you have several laughs. You have a little chortle, an out loud cackle and a delighted squawk. You love to blow spit bubbles and you make new sounds every day. At one point your Daddy and I were listening to you chatter away to yourself over the monitor and you made a noise that sounded like, “Whoa.” We wondered what you’d discovered!

You’ve discovered your toes, that’s for sure. We’ve been trying to get you to learn to sit up by yourself, but you tend to flop forward in an effort to explore your toes. You can lift your feet up and grab them with your hands. And I don’t think it will be long before you finally get that foot into your mouth.

Because everything goes in your mouth these days. You started drooling at three months and haven’t stopped since, but the drool has reached a whole new level lately. You are definitely teething, and I really hope those chompers get here soon because it’s hard to watch you when your gums hurt. We even took you to the doctor at one point to make sure you didn’t have an ear infection. We’ve been laying on the Tylenol lately, but I think it disagrees with your tummy, so we’re trying to only use it when we have to. In the meantime, you’ve been spending lots of quality time with Wrench and Flower (your teething toys that stay in the fridge when you aren’t using them). Your gums have gotten much harder the last few days - hopefully the end is in sight.

You also haven’t been sleeping as well. The days of five and six hour stretches are gone, and instead we do four hours at a time if we’re lucky. Also, you don’t tend to nap as well during the day, either. But you got over one big block to your sleeping - the fact that you now prefer to sleep on your side and tummy. It was initially a problem because you’d roll over onto your tummy and wake up in distress. But we ramped up the tummy time in a big way and now you are quite comfortable on your belly. So when you wake up, it isn’t a big deal! We’re really proud of you for making that leap. There were a few very rough nights while you figured that out.

Your fine motor skills are improving, too. You can push the buttons on your exersaucer, you are much better at picking things up and bringing them to your mouth, and you have made grabs for Daddy’s beard and Mommy’s glasses and hair. You also enjoy hanging onto Granny’s watch, which shows you have good taste. Granny’s friend Flo got your a wonderful play mat with lots of things to grab and tug, and you enjoy it very much. You can often be found with an object in each hand, chatting away happily.

It’s been a busy month for you, my little social butterfly. You met your Auntie Marsha and Uncle Gavin, you attended Granny’s retirement party and spent more time with Tia Reiko, Tio Rodrigo and your cousin Isabel, you met your Great Grandmother Phyllis, and you got to hang out with Reg and Joan. We even had a lovely little visit from Grandma, Grandma Anne and your Aunt Heather. Daddy had a week’s vacation this month, and we made the most of it. We spent Grandma’s birthday at the Agriculture Museum where you saw the cows, sheep, pigs and horses. We celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary with you with a picnic at Rideau Hall. But it doesn’t have to be a special occasion for us to have fun together - at one point the three of us stood out on the front stoop and watched the rain fall, and that was as special a time as any other.

You still love your bath, and have figured out how to kick and make the water splash. We’ve visited the neighbourhood wading pool a couple of times, too. You’ve made some great strides toward crawling, as well. At first you could only go backwards (and that was very frustrating for you, since you’d work so hard only to watch your toys get further and further away!), but you’re learning to inch forwards on your belly like an inchworm now.

We got you your big boy car seat, which means that you have had to get used to being taken out of it and strapped back into it much more often. It also means we use the big stroller all the time now, which you enjoy because you can look forward at things. You enjoy sitting on my hip in your sling, and still like to sit in the Baby Bjorn as long as you can face forward.

You’ve started solid food and done really well. We’ve fed you rice cereal, oat cereal, mixed grains with fruit, and you’ve tried and liked sweet potatoes and green beans. Peaches were a bit of a bust, though. I think you found them too tart. But you’re getting the hang of spoon feeding, and I look forward to that time with you in the early evening when we see what new food you’re going to try that day!

You are a really handsome boy with beautiful eyes and an awesome smile. One of our favourite times is when you’ve just woken up - you’re smiley, cuddly and relaxed, and you love to be held on our shoulder and drape yourself in our arms. I also love watching you when you’ve fallen asleep in my lap... you have these sudden little smiles in your sleep that make me smile, too.

You bring us indescribable joy every day, Moe. I can’t begin to explain how much we love you and how happy we are to share our life with you. Thank you for six fantastic months. I can’t wait to see what next month brings.

Moe Meets a Very Special Lady

Moe worked his magic on a very special lady earlier this week. I was so happy he had the opportunity to meet her.

As you can tell, he was especially charming!

Dear Moe (Five Months)

 Hello, darling. On July 20, you’ll be five months old. It’s hard to believe. You are so much bigger, it seems, than I expect you to be when I pick you up. You’re turning into a real little boy instead of a little baby. We did a massive clothes cull because you had outgrown so many of your things, and we’re going to have to do another one soon because you’re starting to outgrown your “mainstay” onesies.

You still love the water - you enjoy swimming at Uncle Ted’s and you are now able to lie unsupported in your bathtub. You like to kick your little feet in the bath and make the water splash, and you look at yourself in the mirror while you do it. I set up your kiddie pool on the back deck last week, but since we don’t have a hose yet, I had to fill it using the two gallon water cooler jug. It took many trips to even get an inch of water in the bottom, and you weren’t impressed at all. We’re working on getting a hose this week.

We now read story books and look at the pictures together. We sing songs every day. We sing Round the Garden, Summertime, Rainbow Connection, and our bedtime song, You. Sometimes we sing any song Mommy can think of the words to! We listen to music, too. We listen to everything from Muppet Beach Party to Johnny Cash to The Ramones. You really enjoy your exersaucer, and have graduated to standing on a thinner book. We sometimes call it your Poopersaucer because it never fails to get you to poop if you need to. There have been a few times where the Poopersaucer has been out of commission due to an emergency laundry run. You enjoy playing with the fishy in the ball, and are getting better at pressing the music buttons. You like playing with Cinquo the plush dog and Sophie the Giraffe. You chew on Sophie’s legs and ears, and you chat with Cinquo. You still love Kneebra, and like resting your arm on his head when we travel in the car. You love being lifted into the air - it’s a guaranteed smile. And we recently discovered dancing! You love dancing with me - you smile and laugh and it makes me laugh and so we dance and laugh together. It’s wonderful.

You are starting to really rock your tummy time, and can go for 10 to 15 minutes sometimes. I’m excited about going to the followup appointment at CHEO in August to see what kind of progress you have made. You’re much better at looking to both sides now, and even look out the window in the car!

We’ve been kicked out of the well baby clinic, darling, as you’re over three months. But lucky for us, some of the people we’ve met there have started a weekly playgroup at someone’s house! So every Tuesday morning we head to Shannon’s house, which is only a few blocks away, and you get to hang out with Elianne, Alex, Mila, Emily and Kevin! And Mommy gets to chat with their mommies, which is great, too.

We went to meet Kerrie and Amelia at the OEY playgroup one Monday afternoon, and their scale said you were well on your way to being 17lbs. You have the most deliciously chunky thighs. You still have eczema, which seems to get worse if your tummy is bothering you. I ordered some special shampoo and soap online, and I’m hoping it will help. The heatwave we’ve been having hasn’t helped your skin, either. Your feet are usually sweaty! We’ve been working to beat the heat by staying inside in the afternoon, and sometimes hitting the pool. The only fan in the house is in your room (lucky little man!) and we have a few “tank onesies” that have come in handy in the hot weather.

There’s no doubt about it - you’ve discovered the magic box. I keep the TV off during the day (except to occasionally check the weather), but in the evening it tends to be on, and you like to watch it. Sometimes you’ll even stare at it if it’s off, as if you are saying, “Hey, make that thing go!” (You seem especially delighted by Alyson Hannigan’s face, for some reason. Yes, we watch Buffy.)

Let’s talk about sleep. Oh, yes, sleep. You’re doing much better than you were - you go down for naps much easier, assuming we don’t let you get too tired. You do pretty well at night, too, but haven’t been doing those precious longer stretches for the last little while. I think that giving you a big bottle around 8pm will help - we did that last night and it worked well. You fight sleep so hard, sweetie, that it’s almost tragic to watch. You keep trying to move your legs or your arms or even your head in an effort to stay awake. But you’re getting better and better.

We’ve started the rice cereal adventure! I don’t know how much of it actually goes into your tummy, but we try every day or so to put some in your mouth. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it soon. I made it recently using my breast milk and a slightly different ratio to make it a bit less liquid, and it went well. We’ll keep it up and you’ll figure it out!

You’ve really expanded your range of sounds. You grunt, you yelp, you squeal, you giggle and you babble along so well. You can be a real chatty little guy, except when I ask you to be chatty for someone on the phone. Then you clam right up!

We bought you a Jolly Jumper with a stand to put in the living room, as the hand-me-down we received only goes over a door frame and those are few and far between in this house. Getting you in and out of that harness is currently a two person job, but maybe Mommy will get the hang of it, soon. You sure enjoy bouncing up and down, but aren’t impressed when you end up turned away from the crowd.

Overall, darling, you are a sunny wonderful little guy. You greet people with a smile, you don’t cry without a good reason, you are fun to be around, and you make us laugh all the time. Please keep being so wonderful. We love you so much and treasure every moment with you. You bring such joy to our life.

With Granny on the Stoop

 Here's how we spend mornings on hot days before it gets too hot.

Dear Moe (18 weeks)

My sweet, sweet baby. Are you really 18 weeks old already? It's been a busy week for us all. Here's the run down.

You are loving your exersaucer. You still can't touch the floor with your feet, so we prop you up with books. You figured out how to make the fish move, and spent a good deal of time yelling at that pesky ladybug. You showed it who was boss! You like looking at yourself in the mirror and love standing tall.

Your fine motor skills are coming along well - you can grab a toy and even pass it to the other hand. You have started bringing everything to your mouth now. You still love Kneebra, and are developing an affection for Sophie the Giraffe and your little Doggie rattle. I bought you some new toys this week - a rattle that is thin enough for you to hold, a colourful teething ring for you to hold and chew on, and a train toy that makes noise and has lots of things that move.

I took you to physiotherapy at CHEO on Thursday for the tortocolis clinic. It was a 90 minute class and assessment. You have a mild case, your head shape is mildly affected, and we need to really strengthen those left neck muscles. So I've learned new ways to hold you, pick you up, and play with you. The problem now with holding a toy to the side we want you to turn is that you cheat and roll onto your side! So sometimes I need to hold that shoulder down, and it doesn't impress you much, let me tell you. We'll keep working at it together. I also learned to do tummy time with a towel roll, which you enjoy much more. It helps you to breathe better while still helping your head control. You had a great time at the class - you really took to Dominique the PT, and she took to you, too! She said you have a killer smile, and you do indeed. Of course, the fact that you had a big, loud and messy poop while she was speaking made everyone in the class laugh. Oh, Moe. You never poop quietly. Sometimes I can still hear it over the baby monitor! :)

You also had your 4 month vaccinations this week. They went as well as could be expected - I was really proud of you. You conked right out when we got home and slept a long time. The doctor was pleased with you on all other counts - your ear infection is all cleared up, your eczema is still there but not as bad at all, and you are in the 50th percentile for height, weight and head circumference. You still have cradle cap/eczema on your head, but we work at it every two days at bath time.

You're getting to be such a wonderful boy, Moe. My tiny baby is gone, but I love the little boy who has taken his place. You are smiley and sunny, have a great chortle-like laugh, and love to chat up a storm with anyone who will listen... or even with your mobile. We're moving on to bigger bottles now because 120 ml just isn't enough for you. You love to stand tall, you step and climb my legs when I hold you up, and you love to practice walking. You smile for the people who love you, and even for strangers.

We've made some big changes to your sleep routine this week. You just weren't yourself for a while, and you'd take to screaming your head off in the evenings. (We were expecting your head to do a 360 and for you to spew pea soup. It was terrible.) Daddy gave me a few hours off and I read as much as I could on healthy sleep patterns. It was time to make some changes. You were exhausted, not sleeping enough, and getting totally out of control.

So we've made those changes, and today is Day 3. You'll get a bit better every day, and after a week, you should be sleeping properly and enough. We have a nice routine for you at bedtime, we are learning to watch for those sleepy cues (the ones you had as a tiny baby have changed and we didn't know what to look for!) and I'm confident that we'll have weathered this storm by the time I write next week's letter. Sleep training isn't easy - it means we're at home a lot right now, and likely will be for a while. But, as someone told me when I was pregnant, it will be worth it to have a baby who sleeps well. We're doing this because we love you, and want you to be well rested so we can have lots of fun together!

You have no idea how much I love you, little Moe. You bring such sunshine to my life. This is the hardest but most wonderful job I've ever had. Thank you for the opportunity to be your Mommy.

Dear Moe (Just Because)

Today we had a nice day with Daddy on his day off. We bathed you and did "Hygiene Morning", and then we went to The Trainyards and got you some summer clothes. We had lunch at Cora's, you survived your first earthquake (5.0 magnitude), and we headed home for a chill afternoon. And about 10 minutes ago you rolled over for the first time from your tummy to your back!

It's been a lovely day. I hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.

All my love,

Mommy xoxo

Dear Moe (Four Months)

Well, sweetheart. It's been a very eventful week for you! You are officially four months old. We went back to the well baby clinic after missing two weeks, and you tipped the scales at 14lbs 9.5 oz. You finished your antibiotics, you went in your Jolly Jumper, you sat in your high chair, you weathered home construction noise, you celebrated Father's Day and... you rolled over for the first time!

At the well baby clinic, everyone was impressed with the positive changes to your skin. I exchanged email addresses with some of the moms, and we're going to start our own little playgroup, as most of you babies are more than 3 months old now. As you're one of the only boys in the group, I predict you'll have a grand old time with these beautiful little girls.

You handled 10 days of antibiotics like a champ. You're all done now, and your ear infection is totally cleared up. It has been so nice for us to have our sunny little guy back again. The medicine upset your tummy a little, but I think the fact that I had a yogurt every day helped you.

Your head control is getting so much better all the time. I'm able to carry you on my hip (although I have to keep a hand on your head to be sure), and you were able to go in your Jolly Jumper for the first time! You really enjoyed it – which isn't a surprise, as you LOVE to stand up. The only problem is that we have a door frame Jolly Jumper... and no door frames on the main floor. Right now, it's set up in our bedroom doorway, but that's kind of narrow, and you and I don't hang out there together too often.

But all is not lost in the standing department! Granny worked very hard today cleaning your exersaucer – it used to be your cousin Isabel's. It's as good as new thanks to Granny's elbow grease, and it's in the living room. You sat in it for the first time this afternoon, and although you were really, really tired at the time, I think you liked it. We had to put a book under your feet as you still aren't quite tall enough for it, but that will come in time. I'm looking forward to watching you get used to it.

Much like you've gotten used to your play garden, which you love. You set off the noises with your hands and your feet! And it was doing this that led you to your most recent accomplishment... rolling over! Earlier this week you started rolling onto your side, but you weren't quite sure what to do when you got there. But on Friday night, you rolled right over onto your tummy. You sure picked your moment carefully – Mommy, Daddy, Granny and Grandma were all over and watching, so there was thunderous applause. Everyone was so proud of you!

You also sat in your high chair for the first time this week. I gave you a few spoonfuls of yogurt for your tummy (to counteract the antibiotic), and you seemed to enjoy them very much. We'll start you on rice cereal soon – we even got you some spoons, thanks to your Auntie Beckah. Grandma bought your a food mill, too. So we're getting all set to begin the solid food adventure!

You haven't been sleeping terribly well during the day, but you've been a real trooper about it. We've had workmen building us a new front stoop and front walk, and they use very noisy machinery. I'm sometimes really stunned at what you can sleep through.

Dear Moe (16 weeks)

Hello, darling. A long overdue letter, for sure. But it's been a busy couple of weeks!

Where to start? Well, for one thing, you discovered your play garden. You figured out that if you touch different things, they make music and other noises. This was a big breakthrough, and you've enjoyed playing with it ever since. You have enough motor control now to set off all the noises - I've even seen you trying to set them off with your feet! You also have excellent head control now and are enjoying sitting in your Bumbo seat.

But the big event this past two weeks was our trip to Halifax to visit Grandpa. You were a superstar on the plane on the way there, and you did great meeting all those new people who love you. We set up in the basement, and took over the ping pong table as your diaper change station. I haven't slept in the same room as you for some time - you're a noisy little sleeper! And that first night, you were miserable. You didn't sleep very well the entire time we were there. I chalked it up to being in a new environment, but I know now that you had an ear infection from the plane. Despite the discomfort and crying throughout the visit, you were very good in Halifax. You just weren't quite yourself. But you did become increasingly chatty! You love to talk away with anyone who will listen!

Grandpa rented you a swing and a bouncy chair, and you enjoyed both very much. I bathed you in the kitchen sink one night, and then with me in the bathtub another. It's really great how adaptable you are.

We brought you to church on Sunday morning to hear Grandpa and Uncle David play the violin, and you did beautifully. I think you liked the music! And at mealtimes, you were happiest when you could sit on someone's lap and join in the conversation. All in all, everyone fell in love with you and we had a nice visit. You and I walked through the Halifax Public Gardens, we bought souvenirs for the folks at home, we went to see where your aunt and uncle paddle in the summer, and we visited the Halifax Harbour.

The plane ride home, however, was a bit of a disaster. You were crying, your bottle of formula broke and leaked all over the diaper bag, and you soiled your diaper in an epic poonami and it got all over your clothes (and mine) but we couldn't change you until the seatbelt sign was turned off, and you were generally miserable. But through it all, you were (and always are) so patient.

When we got home, you were so very happy to see your Daddy, who missed you very, very much. You also had big smiles for Granny and Grandma, who came over to see you right away. But your ears were bothering you in a big way, so I brought you to the doctor on Wednesday morning, and sure enough, you had an ear infection. You are now on Day 3 of 10 days of antibiotics, and I think we've weathered the worst of the storm. Your ears are leaking discharge, which must be uncomfortable, but means the infection is getting better.

It was really hard to see you being so sick. You didn't eat as much, we didn't do any tummy time, and you were really only comfortable on my shoulder. The fact that you are teething isn't helping the matter. Daddy went to Toys R Us and bought out the entire teething section, so now we have cold things in the fridge for you when your gums are bugging you. Strangely, you don't seem to be teething on your bottom gums... it's your top gums, and near the back! It must be very uncomfortable.

And you have grown! We've missed the last two well baby clinics, but you were weighed at the doctor's office and are about 14 lbs, 6 oz. You look bigger and longer. I'm not sure where my little baby went, but am loving this bigger guy who has taken his place.

Yesterday you came with me to my annual workplace picnic. It was really nice to see people, and everyone wanted to hold you and look at you. There was even a line-up! You sat patiently in others' arms while I ate my lunch, and then you fell asleep in your car seat so I took you home.

You had a great night last night - I think you're catching up on missed sleep. You slept from about 9pm to 2am, and then from 3am to 8am. I feel like I've won the lottery. We were in such good shape that we managed to bring Daddy "Breakfast and Baby in Bed"!

And so, darling, I have to tell you how much I admire your patience. You are so sweet and good, even when you're miserable and in pain. You never cry for no reason, and because of that, I know that when you cry something is very, very wrong. I'm so proud of how well you did during our trip, on the plane, and meeting all kinds of people. We'll get back into our routine this week coming, and hopefully you will be feeling much better very soon.

I love you like pancakes. I love your expressive eyebrows, your practically prehensile toes, your eyes (which can change from sweet to roguish so quickly), and your wonderful little chatter. Keep being so awesome.

:(

Moe does indeed have an ear infection, and we've got some antibiotics for him. I missed last week's letter to him, so I'll write him an extra long one on Saturday for the past two weeks. It's been a really, really eventful time. For the last few days, he's been inconsolable unless he's in our arms, and even then sometimes sobbing his heart out. I'm hoping the antibiotics work quickly to relieve the pain. In the meantime, we're alternating Tylenol and Advil. It was a good sign that this evening he ate more than he has in about a week. He's currently chattering away to his mobile up in his crib right now.

Oh, and he's also teething.

Dear Moe (14 weeks)

It was a hot, hot week this week, little man, and you figured out how to beat the heat. We went swimming at Uncle Ted's and you loved it. We popped you into this little inflatable turtle, and you lounged around the pool looking as though you might at any moment ask someone to beer you. You were in there about 30 minutes yesterday, without any sign of complaint. I could have likely left you in there longer.

We've gone back to old habits to get you to fall asleep... swaddling. It seems odd to suddenly do that with a 3.5 month old, but your arms just flail so much and you yank your soother out and generally startle yourself. So we tried that last night on a whim and you fell asleep right away. In fact, that's how I put you down for the nap you are taking right now.

You are making great progress with your tummy time and head turning exercises. You love looking at the baby in the mirror, or turning your head to look at a toy. We went to CHEO to see if they would teach us some more exercises, but the doctor said we'd have to go to physio to learn those and there's a 6 week waiting list. As you are getting stronger and stronger, I think we'll let it go.

You had a major growth spurt this past week. You gained almost a full pound, weighing in a 13 lbs 8 oz. Also, all signs point to you starting to teethe. You are starting to drool quite a bit (bibs are now part of your daytime attire) and you've had some moments where you're generally miserable for no apparent reason. So I gave you a soother from the fridge and you perked right up and sucked on it for dear life. So we'll see how that progresses.

We tried going dairy free this week to see if it would help your skin, but stopped for a few reasons. I didn't see much improvement, we weren't ready in terms of groceries, you declared your hatred for soy formula, and I really love milk and cheese. But we'll likely have another (more organized) go of it when we get back from Halifax.

Through it all, you are sweet and patient, even when you're miserable. You smile when I come to see you in your crib after a nap, and you smile at your Daddy when he gets home from work. We take longer to breastfeed now because you like to stop for breaks to chat with me. I could never get tired of chatting with you - you have so much to say! You're learning to bounce your own bouncy chair, and you reach out with your hands to grasp things. You stare at us with your adorable and intelligent eyes. We love you so much.

Dear Moe (13 Weeks)

This week, you turned 3 months old. Both Daddy and I agree that in some ways, it doesn't seem like it's been 3 months already, and in others, it's like you've been here forever. We just love having you in our life, we can't imagine it without you.

I'm pretty sure you've been having another growth spurt this week - you've been eating pretty much every two hours for the last couple of days! I'm looking forward to THAT being behind us. But you make such appreciative noises while you feed that I don't really mind. It's nice to be appreciated. ;)

You weighed in at 12 lbs, 14 oz this week at the well baby clinic, and we had our 3 month check-up with Dr. D. She referred us to the torticolis clinic at CHEO, and our appointment for that is next Thursday. They will give us some exercises to do. She also gave us a stronger prescription for cortisone cream for your back and arms, as the eczema there is getting pretty bad. You also have quite a bit on your scalp - it's hard to tell where the cradle cap ends and the eczema begins. So I'm taking Grandma's advice and going off all dairy for a week to see if that improves things for you. Today is Day 1, and let me tell you, it isn't easy not to go to the fridge and grab a glass of milk out of habit!

We had our first trip to a museum this week! Grandma and Granny and I were planning on going to the opening of the Canadian Museum of Nature, but when we got there the line was all the way around the building. It occurred to me that the Agriculture Museum was probably pretty empty, and it was! We watched border collies do agility runs, and watched dogs herd sheep. You really watched, tracking the dogs and the sheep with your eyes. You dined alfresco under a tent, and we got into the car just as the rain was starting. You wore your sunglasses and your sunhat with reasonable patience, as long as you were out of the stroller and in my arms.

You do the funniest thing when you're awake and alert and lying on your back. You grunt happily and move your legs like you're running. You've done this for some time, but I never thought to mention it in a letter. We love it - it's so cute. It's like you're training for a marathon or something. We're not sure where you're going, but we know you're getting there fast!

You are starting to have toys that you really like. Kneebra the Zeebra, for example, who has little knots for knees, sits with you in your bouncy chair and you grip his legs and jiggle him. You also enjoy your colourful dice. You don't hang with Sophie so much anymore, because I've started putting you in your cot inside your crib, so there isn't as much room for Sophie. I do this because otherwise you weasel away from your blankie roll and end up on your favoured side. I'm hoping we can get you back to being the small boy in the big crib again soon.

You bring such happiness to our lives, little Moe. We love you buckets and your smiles and giggles brighten our days. Keep being such an amazing awesome little guy. xoxo

Dear Moe (12 Weeks)

Hello, sweetheart! You found your fist this week! And as much as you enjoy munching it, sometimes it betrays you. If you are tired you lose your coordination and your fist bops you in the face. It is both funny and tragic.

You've officially doubled your birth weight, tipping the scales at 12 lbs, 6 oz. You are getting deliciously plump - whenever I bathe you I find new crevices to clean.

You are so even tempered and chill, it's amazing. We brought you with us to a fantastic dinner out last night, and you sat happily in your car seat until dessert, when we popped you out and passed you around. You didn't fuss at all.

We've started a new routine. We do things in the morning, nap together in the afternoon, and then in the evening I can sometimes go and do something on my own. Also, Grandma is insisting that Daddy and I go out alone together at least once a week, and we're going to do that. We went to a movie last week, and it was strange to be without you, but nice to see each other. We came back eager to see you, though!

When we go to the doctor on Tuesday, we're going to talk to her about your head and neck, and about your skin. You still have patches of eczema on your face, neck, arms, shoulders and back. And you have a bit of a rash on your tummy. I've switched to Aveeno soap, and everything you wear gets washed in the sensitive skin detergent and without fabric softener. We've up your tummy time considerably, but you still favour that one side of your head. I tried propping your shoulder up with a blankie roll in your crib, you can weasel away from it. So now you sleep in your cot in your crib. You can't slink away from the blankie roll in your cot!

You have a delightful smile. You love pony rides on my knee, which is also an effective way to burp you. You collect lint in your toes, which are practically prehensile. You still have your awesome little faux-hawk (or, if you prefer... moe-hawk). When you are awake and alert, you are AWAKE and ALERT. Your cheeks are super kissable. You enjoy being in the Baby Bjorn carrier, and when you're in there, you look up at me with your adorable eyes. Your ears wiggle when you nurse, and your eyebrows waggle when you're engaged. You are made of awesome, and we can't imagine life without you.

Keep being such a wonderful, sweet little guy. We love you so much, there are no words.

Dear Moe (11 Weeks)

Eleven weeks old, sweetheart! Where is the time going? You have had a great week, little man.

First, I think we've solved the burping issue... or at least, it's getting easier. Grandma suggested that maybe you're a relaxed burper, which means that patting you on the back does nothing. Instead, I just get you to relax and I move your torso around. Sure enough, you burp! You may not be burping as efficiently as you were when we did the back patting, but you are burping more consistently, and that's a good thing, sir. Indeed it is.

You do still get gas pains occasionally, and when you do at night I pop you into your little cot and put you in my bed so I can keep a hand on your belly and replace your soother as quickly as possible. Usually, the hand on the belly helps you work through the gas and once you've done that you go back to your crib without an issue.

(Side note. When we do fold you forward to burp you and pat you on the back, you are so cute. You look just like a little hotei - I want to get you a little bag to carry over your shoulder.)

We get to see you sit up more often now - Aunt Laurie and Uncle Scott got you a lovely red bumbo chair. I've put you in it every day, and for the most part you like it very much. I'm looking forward to when you can hold your own head up and sit in it and play with your toys on the play tray.

So I noticed that you really, really favour one side of your head. You constantly look to the right when you're lying down. As a result, your head is getting a little flat on that side. In an effort to strengthen your neck muscles and fix your little melon, I've been doing stuff to correct it and make you look to the left. I roll a little blanket and pop it under your shoulder and beside your head when you lie down, and I prop you with a blanket roll when you sit in your bouncy chair or the car seat. Hopefully this will help and you'll get used to looking to both sides. (Also, you pin your right ear something fierce.)

Another thing we're doing to get your neck muscles stronger is tummy time, and a lot of it. Until now, we've only really been doing it once a day. Now I aim for three or four times a day if we can swing it. You're getting really good at it, too - it's gratifying to see you getting stronger and lifting your head so well.

(Another side note. I think you have your Daddy's feet, darling. They are wide and thick and adorable. When you start to outgrow a sleeper, it's the feet that get tight first.)

This week we went swimming for the first time! It was wonderful - you really enjoyed it. You smiled and looked generally happy and pleased. We'll go again next week for sure, and now that I've been to the pool and seen how it all works, I'm confident I can take you there on my own. Your Aunt JFlo was nice enough to come with us to help out that first time. I didn't have you in there longer than a couple of minutes - I wanted your first swimming experience to be a good one - but I think we can get away with ten minutes next time. And you look so freaking cute in your little swim diaper.

You met a very special person for the first time this week. Your Aunt Natalie came home from Korea and we surprised her at the airport. She seemed quite taken with you, and you with her. :)

You weighed in at 12 lbs and 1/2 oz this week. A few more ounces and you'll have doubled your birth weight! But I think we may skip the well baby clinic this week, if I don't have any questions to ask the nurses. I'd like to take you to Stars and Strollers and watch a movie with you. We'll see how it goes.

I love the way you look at me, especially when I'm feeding you. You have incredibly intelligent and beautiful eyes. And when those eyes cry real tears, it breaks my heart. I love you so much, little Moe. When you are awake and smiling, it is the best part of my day. And tomorrow when I celebrate my very first Mother's Day - a day I used to dread - I want you to know how much happiness you bring me. I love being your Mommy and I couldn't ask for a more wonderful baby. You're simply a fantastic little creature and you make our lives so bright.

Dear Moe (10 Weeks)

Well, darling, you're definitely in the middle of a growth spurt. You like to feed every two hours during the day, if you can get away with it, and you spent one day last week sleeping like a log. The Muppet suit is getting too small (I went and bought you a couple more - a 6 to 9 month and a 12 month - since we like it so much) and we had to cull a bunch of your littlest onesies.

You have a little girlfriend at the Well Baby Clinic, where you tipped the scales at 11 lbs, 8.5 oz this week. Emily is a few months older than you, and this week you lay side by side with your hands touching. It was very cute. Emily's Mom has been really helpful to me - she convinced me that wearing my engagement ring wasn't a danger to you, suggested the soother brand that I'm comfortable with, and told me where to find sunglasses with the strap on the back so they don't fall off. I bought some at Walmart today - we'll see what you think of them.

The Baby Bjorn is fitting you much better now that you're a bit bigger, and we took a nice long walk with Uncle Dan with you in it. It worked quite well, and my back wasn't sore at all. I've had to adjust your car seat and stroller straps to make room for the bigger version of you. It's wonderful to see you grow, but it's hard to believe you aren't the tiny little guy we first met.

On Monday, I signed up for a free membership with the Ontario Early Years Centre and we attended our first playgroup. You were one of the youngest babies there (we met a little girl who was born four hours later than you!) but we still did circle time, and you managed quite well. I'll see about going back there, especially once we're done with the Well Baby Clinic, which goes to three months.

I'd like to start taking you to Stars and Strollers. There's one on Wednesdays, so we're hoping Daddy can start taking that day off instead of Tuesday and we can go as a family. Daddy and I haven't been to a movie in a long time! Maybe next week.

On Thursday, your Aunt Natalie comes home from Korea and you'll meet her for the very first time. We're quite excited - we've missed her. I know she'll fall in love with you as soon as she sees you, and that you'll love her very much.

You are typically very patient and sweet, even though you have some trouble getting to sleep during the day. You likely don't nap as much as you should, and that may be due to my insistence that we get out every day, but you're not sleeping too badly at night. I'm hoping that once this growth spurt abates you'll go back to giving us 5 hour stretches every so often.

You're smiling more and more - little contented crooked smiles that tell me that you're generally a happy little lad. That makes me happy - I want so much to take good care of you. I hope you're glad that you are a part of this family - we love you so much and wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. When Daddy comes home from work, he says you make everything better. I feel the same way. We love you oodles, darling. Keep being such a wonderful little guy.

Dear Moe (9 Weeks)

Hello, sweet little muffin! You gained 7oz this week, and are doing super well. You're a joy to be around, awake or asleep, and you charm people with your cuteness everywhere we go.

You've developed some skin issues, though - some cradle cap on your eyebrows, and what I think is eczema on your cheeks. It started small, but has spread to both cheeks. It's pretty red and dry, but you don't seem bothered by it. Nonetheless, we'll talk to the doctor about it when we go on Tuesday. (Tuesday is also the day you get your first shots. I'm not especially looking forward to it - it was supposed to be last week, but the doctor had to reschedule.) We have started wiping your face with a wet cloth after every feed. I also bought a sensitive skin laundry detergent and washed all your bedsheets in it, so maybe that will help, too. You come by this honestly - you egg donor has struggled with eczema all her life, and one of her little ones also has chronic skin issues. So it isn't a surprise, but hopefully the doctor can help us make it better. And then I can get back to kissing those cheeks without worry!

I'm pretty sure you're entering another growth spurt this week - yesterday you suddenly became ravenous, throwing our "feeding every three hours" routine out the window. Of course, it took me a while to clue in, so yesterday afternoon I was trying to coax you to poop while you were trying to tell me that yes, it was only an hour after you last ate, but you were starving. Sorry about that, little man. I'll get there.

You are awake more often now, averaging about 1 hour to 75 minute stretches. It's delightful to play with you while you hang out on the change table, and I've started bringing you around the house with me instead of staying in your nursery with me. (It didn't make sense to try and do things with you while you were awake - you'd be asleep in a few minutes and I want you to fall asleep in your crib.)

You're taking more notice of dangling toys, especially Dangle Frog. The other day you were actually reaching out and making him jingle while we were driving! I'm going to start using your bouncy chair more, too, and there are dangly friends on that. You can track a toy that you are interested in, and you are growing more interested in Sophie the Giraffe - especially her very nomable ears.

We've got a pretty good thing going at night - you generally give me a 4 hour stretch, meaning we only get up once a night with you. And generally you get back to sleep pretty well after that middle-of-the-night feeding.

I still take you pretty much everywhere with me. This week alone we've been to O'Grady's for a snack, to Billings to run some errands, to the grocery store, and to Daddy's work to bring him some lunch. We also went to the Well Baby Clinic, and we had a special visitor! Grandma came with us, which was great.

I think you laughed for me this week, darling, and even if you didn't, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. You smile a lot now, and show your joy with your face and eyes. It's really delightful to watch you. You seem like a really happy little guy, which makes me happy.

I'm starting to think about taking you swimming. I bought you a little swim suit for the summer, and I'll get you some Little Swimmers diapers very soon. I'm a little concerned about the chlorine and your sensitive skin, but I'll talk to the doctor about that on Tuesday, too.

I'm excited about our summer together, darling! This is such a special time with you that I want to make it really wonderful for both of us. Let's get ready for all kinds of adventures! I love you so much. But you know that, I tell you so often. :)

Dear Moe (4 Weeks / 1 Month)

Hello, sweetheart. It's hard to believe that you are already one month old. It seems like just yesterday we brought you home from the hospital. You're doing really, really well - nursing like a rock star and generally being adorable at every opportunity.

When I brought you to the Well Baby Clinic this week, they would have been very happy to see you gain between 4 and 6 oz. You had gained 13! So you now tip the scales at 7lbs 13oz, and are outgrowing your clothes at an alarming rate. We've put away your polar bear fleecy sleeper and broken out the 3-6 month duckie version. You look longer and rounder and generally delicious.

You generally seem pretty content, except for about an hour after you eat. Due to your stubborn refusal to burp, you end up with some rather painful gas. I'm not sure what more I can do to get you to burp, short of standing you on your head. (I won't do that, don't worry, sweetie.) Occasionally, I can coax a burp out of you, but it doesn't happen very often. And if I don't, sure enough, an hour later, you are root-toot-tooting along. I have found that giving you a soother during those times helps us both get through them.

In an effort to teach you the difference between night and day, I have you sleep upstairs in your bassinet only at night; otherwise, you're downstairs in your little cot. And I only cover you with a blanket and play soft music at night. Hopefully you'll eventually pick up on these cues and learn that at night, you should be down for the long haul. :)

Your eyes are getting brighter and more alert, and you love looking at the lights. You still get the hiccups about once a day. You make the cutest little faces.

We went out on Wednesday and bought you a stroller, and we got what I think is an awesome one. You and Granny and I took it out for a test drive yesterday, and it went very well. We walked to the community centre and back. Today, we might walk to the bank, except it isn't as warm out as it was yesterday, so we'll see.

You had a very nice week with your Tio and Tia and Cousin Isabel visiting next door. You were held and chattered to and generally showered with love. It was great fun to have them meet you. Everyone fell head over heels in love with you.

The quest for a routine is going well. It's still working pretty well to have us nap in the morning and get out and do things in the afternoon. Mind you, you nap through the afternoon, too. :) You're still sleeping most of the time, but I don't worry because you do wake yourself up to feed.

You're getting better and better at holding your head up for short amounts of time. I think next week, we can start doing some tummy time! I hope you'll grow to like that, my darling.

The most exciting news this week, though, is that tomorrow your Daddy starts four weeks at home with us! He's headed to Boston for five days at the end of next week, but then he's all ours for the three weeks after that. We're both really looking forward to his time off - we'll go on all kinds of adventures together! It's going to be a wonderful, very special time.

Sweetheart, I don't think there are words to tell you how awesome you are. You're sweet and cuddly and adorable and wonderful and we are just loving getting to know you. Keep being such a sweetie, and keep soaking up our love. You're simply amazing.

Dear Moe (3 Weeks)

Wow, you're three weeks old already! You've made some great strides this week, little man. You're now wearing size 1 diapers (graduating from the newborn size), you are nursing like a champ, and for the most part you sleep really well. (You're a bit of a Houdini when it comes to unswaddling yourself, and then you panic and cry because your arms flail involuntarily.)

I brought you to the City of Ottawa Well Baby Clinic on Thursday and you are now 7lbs, which is great. Your face is definitely getting chubbier, too. Your cheeks are ridiculously kissable. You've been strictly on the breast for a few days now - no more bottles for you. You get such bad gas when you drink from a bottle that I think we will all be happier without them for a while yet. I still try and pump once a day, if I can.

Your moments of being alert and awake are increasing, and you are just adorable when you look at us with your sweet little eyes. I've noticed that those eyes are getting better and better at moving together, which is great, too.

We're getting into a semblance of a routine, which is also very good. In the morning, you and I nap together, and then around lunch time at your next nap, I get to take a shower and get a few things done. In the afternoon, we try and do something - whether it's go outside for a walk, have a visit from a friend, got to an appointment, or run an errand. Today we're going to try and go to Canadian Tire to pick up a furnace filter - such is the exciting and cosmopolitan life we lead, little Moe! :)

You are still enjoying your bath, and I'm getting more and more confident about giving them to you. You're due for one today or tomorrow, and I'm not dreading it the way I was that first week. Besides, you smell so good after a bath, and you're all warm and cozy and clean! I just love smelling your head.

Your aunt, uncle and cousin from Toronto are coming to visit this week - it will be really wonderful for them to meet you.

Keep being such a wonderful, sweet and adorable pigeon. We love you so much. I'd tell you to keep growing, but you'll do that anyway, and frankly, you are so lovely and tiny that I wouldn't mind if you stayed this size a while. But you won't, will you? And then we'll love you just as much at the next stage. xoxo