Wednesday, February 26, 2014

They Are Still in There

Today a friend shared a Kijiji posting on Facebook for a free cradle. 

It broke my heart. 

I just about left work and drove out to Carleton Place to get this fucking cradle out of this poor couple's house because I have been there and I know how painful it is to go down to the basement and see a box of broken hopes every time you want to run a load of laundry. 

In less than three minutes, I posted the ad on Facebook, I sent it to everyone I could think of, and I emailed the poster to let them know that I was sharing the ad and that I was thinking of them and that I have been where they are (maybe not on that same road, but dammit, I lived on that same small island for years). I was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to do SOMETHING. And I feel totally helpless. 

I'm just about in tears over this.  

I wasn't anticipating this kind of emotional reaction. And I'm trying to figure out where it is coming from. 

Is it because the memories of that time in my life are so painful?

Is it because I feel a kind of survivor guilt for having gotten through to the other side when so many couples don't? There but for the grace of something go I? 

Or is it just because I'm moved by this person's bravery for trying to reclaim some small space in their house and their broken heart? 

I think it's all three. 

This is about so much more than this person's cradle. And I didn't realize I still had all these feelings inside me. 

Edit -- I've shaken it off, but it was an unexpected and very intense wave of emotion for which I was unprepared. 

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