Monday, May 9, 2011

Some Advice

I have several friends struggling with infertility right now, and today one of them told me that their boss called a bunch of people into his office and announced his wife's pregnancy. 

"I wasn't expecting that," this person said. "How do you deal with something like that?" 

My reply to this question: 

OMG, you try not to throw up.

I had a mantra. I would tell myself, "I'm happy for this person. I'm just really sad for me." And that feeling this way is OK. And I would put on a brave face for 2 minutes, walk up to them and congratulate them heartily, and then back off and say, "I'm sorry, I must run. Congratulations again!" and get the hell out of dodge. Or if it's a big group, just discretely melt out of the room.

And then go find some ice cream. 

And then you take your ice cream and go for a walk and cry. Because someone has just emotionally kicked you in the stomach and that's what we as humans do when that happens. You cry at the injustice and the unfairness and the why-the-hell-is-life-like-this.

And later, when it comes time to celebrate this man's good fortune, you send me $20 and I go and find some children's books, and I wrap them for you and buy a card, and you sign the card and give it to someone who will be attending the shower and you SEND YOUR REGRETS. Because torture is against the Geneva convention and attending a baby shower is torture for people coping with infertility.

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