OWD Shares Her Story

Sent by OWD (who is some kind of wonderful) via the My Story campaign:

I wanted to share with you my own personal story of how infertility has touched my life, and to ask you to consider this story, as well as the various stories you are receiving, as you consider the importance of the work of the Infertility and Adoption Expert Panel, and the Infertility Awareness Association of Canada.

A very close friend of mine, "Y", whom I have known for the past 15 years, has been struggling with infertility for the past several years.

Y and her husband work hard at their jobs. They live balanced lives, full of family, friends, hobbies, and personal interests. She and her husband are two of the kindest, most wonderful people I know, and if there is anyone who deserves to have a chance to have children, it's them.

After several years of struggling to conceive, enduring fertility treatments, and working with the Ottawa Fertility Clinic, Y was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure - something that is extremely rare for someone her age (31). While most people her age are having families, thinking about having a family, and starting new phases in their life, she is having hot flashes and experiencing the same symptoms as a menopausal woman. All while having to mourn the idea that she will never bear a child that is part her, part her husband.

She has struggled through this loss in the most graceful of ways - because she is an incredible person. She struggles almost daily to maintain her composure when an unsuspecting neighbour or co-worker playfully inquires why she and her husband haven't yet had kids, and tells her that time is running out, or there's no time like the present, or maybe she just needs to loosen up or go on a cruise! She avoids baby showers as much as she can, as it's something she finds unbearably difficult to endure. She finds it within herself to greet my children like they are the most wonderful human beings, even though it is a constant reminder of the idea that she herself may never have that kind of happiness.

Like most other people, they have financial constraints which limit where they choose to spend their money. Y and her husband have already spent a significant amount of money on fertility treatments - money they could have spent on things for themselves or for their retirement.

As an infertile couple, they have some options available to them - invitro fertilization with donor eggs, or adoption. Both have different implications from an emotional standpoint, but also from a financial standpoint. They struggle with trying to understand what a family means to them, and to what point they'll go in order to achieve this dream.

As they consider their options, they are faced with not only the emotional struggle of these choices, but the financial ones as well.

At the risk of sounding repetitive, these are two truly, truly amazing individuals, and it absolutely breaks my heart to think that they need to weigh the financial impact of such a choice with what they WANT in terms of a family.

My friend Y has the strength of character to get through this experience, but in her weakest of moments or darkest of days, she turns to organizations like the IAAC to help get her through these rough patches. These services are invaluable to help infertile couples cope with the medical and emotional challenges of infertility.

The IAAC says that infertility is one of the most profound challenges that infertile couples will ever face. These people cannot surpass these challenges without financial assistance and support services/infrastructure.

Y and her husband are lucky to have an extremely strong support structure comprised of family and friends. I have struggled with my inability to do anything to change Y's situation, until last year, when I offered to Y that I would donate eggs if she and her husband would consider IVF with donor eggs. We are in the initial stages of the procedure, and with any luck, sometime next year, Y could be pregnant.

I hope that my friend Y's story will have a happy ending. Your support of the Infertility and Adoption Expert Panel, and the Infertility Awareness Association of Canada would continue to ensure that there are more happy endings.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.