September 30, 2008

Oh, and did I mention that at work, I'm SURROUNDED BY PREGNANT WOMEN?

Limbo

I'm having a hard time right now, and I think it's because of all the aspects of my life that are currently in limbo.

Professionally, I'm in limbo. I'm waiting to hear that I didn't get the media relations job, and once I know this for sure, I can move on and make other decisions about my career.

Personally, I'm in limbo. Due to factors totally beyond my (and everyone else's) control, the pending IVF procedure is delayed. No idea when it might take place. Right now we are waiting for the creaky wheels of the overly taxed Ontario medical system to crank themselves into place. (Long story - has nothing to do with the OFC.)

My home is in limbo. It's almost October and we still haven't totally recovered from the hardwood flooring installation. The garage needs to be cleaned out to make room for the car for winter. That can't happen until the green room is set up. And for some reason, I can't deal with setting up that room. So Bundy has been on his own, and that isn't really fair. So I'm going to buck up and help him, hopefully this weekend. It's hard when we only have one day off a week together - I feel guilty when I insist on turning that day into a "work" day. And for the love of crap, if we could just get that fucking broken bookcase out of the front hall, it would go a long way for my mental health. I was dealing with it until Reg mentioned it on Sunday night - "Oh, that book case is still broken, huh?" Gah.

I'm feeling pressured by my dad about this photography business - whenever I speak to him, he asks how it's going, etc., and for some reason that stresses me out like nobody's business. I feel like he expects it to totally take off and that he would be so much prouder of me if it did, which is ridiculous because he's just expressing interest. (And I think he wants me to focus on it as an alternative to infertility.) I think I need to make it clear that the website is a place to send potential clients, but that I'm not looking to quit my day job anytime soon. (Having said that, I'm meeting a client next week about a June wedding.)

I just need some stability. And the constant news reports about the tumbling economy have me on the edge of an anxiety attack.