Planning for the Unthinkable

Money is tight right now. (Welcome to day care.) But about a year ago, I started paying into something that I think is worth the money. I bought a life insurance policy for Moe. 

My friend plastikgyrl blogged about this years ago, and even then, before I was a parent, it struck a chord with me.

Nobody wants to think about losing their child. But I need to know that if the unthinkable happened I would have the resources to grieve properly. We would both need time away from work. We would want to say goodbye without worrying about how much it cost. We might need to travel a bit, to get away from the places where the memories are most painful. This insurance policy would let us do that. 

And when Moe turns 18, it's his. He has automatic life insurance, at the same premiums I'm paying now. He may not realize it at the time, but that's quite a gift. 

Like I said, nobody wants to think about the unthinkable. But I know several people who have had to go through the unthinkable in the past few years, and, well, it got me thinking.

(Now if I could just get my shit together and pay someone to write our wills.)

What Do You Do?

What do you do when a small boy who is suddenly two, wearing dinosaur footie pyjamas, takes you gently by the hand on his birthday morning and asks you so sweetly, albeit with only two words, to let him sit in your lap and watch the first part of his favourite movie even before breakfast has been eaten? What do you do when you know this will make you late for work, of which you missed 1.5 days last week due to a cold, and you still have to make yourself a lunch and pack the diaper bag for Grandma?

You sit down with the boy, that's what you do. You sit with this little ball of love in your lap and you marvel at this amazing creature who has been in your life for two years but has somehow been in your heart forever, and you stare at him in wonder. You press your cheek to his head and breathe in his warmth and you smile as he leans back into you and puts his small chubby hand on yours. You tell yourself the same thing you realized when he was three days old and you were suddenly overcome with tears and love... that he'll never be this small again.

And you vow to work through lunch.


 

Pearls and Cowboy Boots

I'm on Pinterest. I use it to catalog the clothes I'd like to buy, places and images into which I like to escape, and great ideas and tips about everything from home organization to crafts for kids.

I've noticed a trend lately that disturbs me: photos of very young children wearing age-inappropriate clothing, with comments from people who think it's adorable. "I have to do this with my kid!" they say. "What a fantastic photo - I wish I'd thought of it!" "So cute!"

These photos aren't pornography. But there is something about them that makes me really, really uncomfortable.

Let's start with this one. This is actually from an etsy site - a woman makes these lace rompers for little girls. Her site has tons of photos like this one - a very young girl wearing the romper equivalent of a lace mini-dress, with pearls and cowboy boots. This baby girl is dressed like a hooker.

This one is from the website of a professional photographer. Some of her children's portraiture examples are indeed adorable. The ones of kids between the ages of 6 and 8 are especially good - she seems to really capture who they are. And then there's this one, which had me asking, "What the hell were you thinking?"

There are others.

It's taken me a while to wrap my head around why these types of photos upset me. I still haven't wrapped my head around it entirely, but I can articulate a few reasons.

1. There is nothing wrong with taking photos of your toddler that show his or her innocence. If those photos involve them not wearing clothes, I don't have a problem with that. But don't post them on public internet sites where people who see something other than their innocence can find them. I've taken photos of Moe in the bath because he's adorable in the bath. But those photos aren't visible to just anyone.

2. Childhood is so fleeting. It goes by so fast. Kids only have that total innocence for a few years - maybe 8 at most. Why on earth would you want to hurry that process? Why wouldn't you want your toddler in overalls and play clothes for as long as possible? After all, there are so many forces out there that want to hurry the process along for you - why would you contribute to that?

I don't know. Am I being unrealistic here?

I Have a Toddler

This is the answer I give most frequently to questions people ask me.

"Why are your jacket pockets filled with used Kleenex?"
"Why is there a Hot Wheels in your purse?"
"Why on earth would you spend $10.00 on green seedless grapes in January?"

I have a toddler.

"How is it that at least one member of your family has had a runny nose since September?"
"Why on earth would you have to hide in the kitchen to eat something?"
"Wait, you go to bed at 9pm?"

I have a toddler.

But I also know the exquisite feeling of being the only person on the planet capable of consoling someone. And I have felt the sense of accomplishment that comes with teaching a child how to calm himself down. And I know how fantastic it is when a small person who does not do anything he doesn't want to do suddenly and spontaneously gives you a hug.

Because I have a toddler.