Thoughts on Baby Showers

So I asked myself - and two very trusted friends, "If I threw myself a baby shower at the end of January when Marsha's here, and invited people to an evening at a bar (like Local Heroes) where I provided a whack of appetizers but they paid for their own drinks, do you think our friends (male AND female) would attend, bring gifts AND feel comfortable?"

And there was some resistance. The argument was made that by hosting my own shower, I'm robbing my friends of the opportunity to have fun planning it. And that really, people don't host their own shower. I'm pretty sure my mom will feel that way.

So I tried to explain why I would rather do it this way.

I want to be in control. NOTHING in this process has been in my control, nothing has gone the way we initially wanted. Not when I got pregnant or how I got pregnant. It took me a year to get over the fact that if we proceeded, my baby wouldn't have my genetic material. I recognize that in life, things very rarely go according to plan. Certainly, once my son is born, everything will cease going according to plan. But this whole process of starting a family has been so NOT according to plan and at times so very much out of my control that it's actually scarred me for life and has even made me weep with frustration and grief.

I want this part to be entirely in my control. I want to be comfortable at my own shower. And the only way that is going to happen is if I run the show, and I'm the host.

I appreciate that my wonderful friends would want to throw me a shower - I've had lots of offers, and I am touched by each one. But they are such emotional minefields for me that I really see this as the only way I'd get through a shower without sobbing in a bathroom.

So, that's kind of how I feel about the whole thing. We'll see.