Dear Moe (January and February 2015)

Hello, Bean. I’m sorry this letter is so late – we’re just about halfway through March! January feels like it was so long ago. We’ve had a great couple of months, and I wanted to share some of the highlights with you. 

One of the things that have made me so happy over the past few months is your amazing progress in reading. Your school readers have become so simple for you that we invested in a set of Usborne Phonics Readers for you, and I’m so impressed with how well you can read them when you put your mind to it. Obviously, your preference is that I read them to you, but we eventually reach a détente and you do a fair bit of the work. Even when we are reading our Jack and Annie chapter books, you often recognize the words while I’m reading them and will interrupt and ask, “Does this say _____?” while pointing to a word. You love leafing through your Pokemon and CHIMA encyclopedias, and surprised me the other day by pointing to a word on the globe and asking, “Does this say Mexico?” (It totally did.)

One of the Jack and Annie books introduced us to Louis Armstrong, so I took a few minutes to show you some videos of him playing the trumpet. You loved them and wanted to watch them again and again. Another one asked the question, “What are you good at? What do you love to go?” and you answered for yourself, “I like to sit and watch the fire in the fireplace.” 

You have also declared that you would like to be a nurse when you grow up. I think you’d made a great nurse – you are very caring and helpful and are great at taking care of people. You enjoy sending hugs and kisses via text message photos. You are affectionate and loving. You pretty much singlehandedly made cupcakes for Valentine’s Day (with some assistance from Grandma), and generously gave them with people you love. 

You worked hard for over a month on printing your name on Valentine cards for every person in your class. (You even wrote one for Asha the hairdresser because we were going to see her on Valentine’s Day.) We were asked to work with you on your printing in the evenings, and that proved to be a great project for you. Now you choose three “sight word” cards from your POP Sight Words game and practice printing those. 

We made some changes to your room after Christmas – Daddy built you a TARDIS. The “door” is a shower curtain from Grandpa Will and Grandma Anne, the lights inside are from Uncle Mark and Aunt Janine, and they also gave you your own sonic screwdriver. You don’t use the TARDIS a whole lot right now, but we’re hoping that it will become a nice safe hidey hole for you when you need one. 

You greatly dislike going upstairs by yourself, even to the bathroom. You fight it every step of the way. 

Some of the games you’ve enjoyed playing over the last few months include: 

• “Ninja thief” where you sneak around the house “invisibly” (“Don’t look at me!”) and “steal” things, which you bring to your ninja hiding spot under the dining room table; 
• Cooperative board games like Race for the Treasure and Hoot Owl Hoot; 
• Other board games like Mario and Luigi checkers, Spuzzle, Spot It Jr., and My First Carcassone; 
• Various Wii games Grandma borrows from the library for you to play at her house; 
• Your first X-Box game, which is a Cars racing game. (It was pretty funny to hear you tell Uncle Mark – the king of racing games – that you’d show him how it’s done.)

It was a birthday party extravaganza for a while – Nathan’s birthday party was in January, then Koen’s, followed by Connor’s, and then yours in February. You certainly didn’t suffer from a shortage of cake. Your own birthday celebrations stretched out over a week! 

We all got snowshoes for Christmas, and I had lovely visions of us heading out on happy treks through the snow every weekend. It has been so insanely cold this winter that we got out on them once. And you spent most of that time playing in the back area with Emmett (who was also wearing snowshoes) – you guys didn’t snowshoe much, you just played while wearing snowshoes. I’m hoping for a better record next winter. But you know, you are your father’s son sometimes. I have to be careful when I plan for us to go outside because once you’ve gotten into the house and settled in, it can be like pulling teeth to get you to leave again. It can be frustrating, but at the same time, I’m glad you love being at home. 

Your behaviour in school has changed over the past two months, and I suspect it’s because you are finally really comfortable there. But you’ve been what your teacher calls “hands on” with other students, playing somewhat roughly. Usually, it’s out of joy or excitement, but occasionally you’ve lashed out in anger. We are working to remind you that there are times and places for “hands on” play, but that school is never one of them. You’ve also gone back and forth quite a bit with potty training regression, which has been frustrating for everyone, but we’re trying to be kind of laid back about it because we don’t want to you to stop telling us when you’ve had an accident. (In the interest of accident prevention, we have put the DS away for a few months.) 

You completed your first swim session at the Salamander level, and we’ve signed you up for more lessons at that level for April and May. You’ve made great progress, but need to work on coming up for air and then being able to go back under. 

We’ve signed you up for another session of gymnastics, but after this one we’re going to take a break for the summer. We decided this for two reasons: we’ll be away so many weekends and you’ll miss classes, and you are losing your ability to focus on the coach when in a group. Your teacher at school has noticed this too – you are really easily distracted when in a group and have a hard time focusing on instructions. We’ll keep working on it. 

You are still wonderfully affectionate and loving. You play hard, wearing out the knees in your pants, and hug and kiss with as much enthusiasm. You are still a wonderful admirer of beauty, which I hope continues, and enjoy listening to music over dinner. You are fun, love being funny and cute and silly, and you bring much joy to our lives. Sometimes I get sad that you’re getting so big, but every new stage is fun in its own way. Keep trying to be a good, caring person who “fills buckets” of the people around him. We love you. 

The Lesser of the Weevils

I have a hormonal imbalance, which has led to all kinds of interesting side effects. One of them is ovarian pain. Sometimes it's just a twinge of pain, and other times it just about puts me on the floor. 

Last March, things got so bad that I went to an ob/gyn to find out what I could do. He put me on HRT. We started with the birth control pill. (The irony didn't escape me.) 

I was on the pill for a few months, but the idea was kiboshed by my internalist, who was concerned that this kind of HRT might play havoc with my FNH (because there is always a risk that it isn't an FNH). So we moved to a transdermal gel for HRT - Estrogel Propak. The dose was lower, and it wasn't taken orally, so better for my liver. 

The Estrogel HRT made me really moody (like, I could feel my mood swing throughout the day as I got closer to the next dose or further away from the last one), it made me really tired, and... it made me really, really itchy. The itching eventually subsided from "crazy ass insane" to "just kind of maddening and only sometimes," but after Christmas, I decided that enough was enough and in early January, I went off the Estrogel. Result? More stable mood, more energy, and way less insane itchiness. 

But the ovarian pain came back today. 

I need to do some careful thinking, weighing the ovarian pain vs. all the unpleasant side effects of the HRT. Either way, though, I've spent a good deal of time during the past few months muttering dark thoughts about various parts of my endocrine system. 

Letter to Moe (From the North Pole)

Dear Moe (November and December)

Happy New Year, my amazing little bean! 

November and December of 2014 were a wonderful time. You kicked off November with a slightly belated Halloween party at Robin’s house, which involved decorating cookies, lots of crafts, and even a little bonfire in the yard. It was a magical afternoon for you and all the guests. You’ve had a number of lovely days with Robin the past two months, between PD days and the two first days of Christmas break. We are so pleased that you can continue your relationship with her family. She loves having you there because you keep Alex and Nick occupied, and you love being there because you adore playing with them.

Considering that you have been playing with more than twenty other kindergarteners every day, you have remained remarkably healthy this fall. (Knock on wood.) You’ve had the usual sniffles and cough, combined with a blocked nose of epic proportions, but have remained pretty much fever free. You and I went for our flu shots in early November, and you were an incredible trooper. Our strategy of immediate reward by chocolate milk is still working, and I intend to keep that up as long as it works. (It also helps that I don’t call it a “flu shot” – I talk instead about how the doctor is going to give us some medicine to keep us healthy.)

You have had some wonderful visits with great friends. We had about three weekends in a row of time with Bambi, and it was great to have her around. You love her very much. I know this, because you told her so. She was getting ready to leave at one point, and said, “It was nice to see you, buddy!” and you said, “Yeah, I actually love you. Do you want to see my Chima Lego?” I don’t know if she saw the Lego or not, because she stood there for a moment like she’d been shot in the heart with a rainbow. 

We were so lucky to also have a visit from Evan and Megan, who were in town over American Thanksgiving. You greatly enjoyed showing them your room, watching Dooze balance on Evan’s head, and generally entertaining them with your antics. I love that you know who they are and that you enjoy their company so much. 

We had a great snowfall in early December, and you “called on” a neighbour for the first time (as opposed to playing with him because you both happened to be outside at the same time). We knocked on Emmett’s door and asked him to come out and play. We spent the better part of two hours outside playing in the snow with him and his family. We built a snowman and a snow slide. I’m glad we had that experience because within a week, the snow had pretty much all melted. But as I type this, there are reports of a snowy weekend ahead, so I’m confident we’ll be out there again soon. 

Of course, the holidays were also a great opportunity to see and play with friends and family. The Rendells visited from Newfoundland, and despite the fact that you only see Ruben and Jessie once every year or so, I marvel at how beautifully you all play together. You had two fantastic play dates, and kept each other so happily occupied that I barely even minded the play-doh all over my living room. We went to Toronto after Christmas for a quick weekend visit, and you also played very well with Aidan and Maya, and shared your toys very nicely with them. I was very proud of you. 

You had some great adventures this month. Daddy and I attended a concert downtown one Sunday afternoon, so we drove you and Granny downtown with us, and she took you to the Bytown Museum (you love the model of the locks) before bringing you home on the bus. You had a wonderful time, walked like a champ, and didn’t complain at all about the distance. Granny took care of you for two days during the Christmas break, too, and she brought you to a movie (Penguins of Madagascar) and to the Canadian Museum of Nature. You love taking the bus with Granny. In fact, when she picks you up from school two days a week, you are often a bit disappointed if she has brought the car. 

Starting in January, you’ll have weekly adventures with Grandma, too! She’s actually taken you to Funhaven for the day today (she’s the only one in our family who can cope with the chaos of these places – if it weren’t for her, you’d never go, so be grateful), and will be picking you up from school two days a week. I know how much Granny enjoys her afternoons with you and I’m so pleased that Grandma will have this special time with you, too. 

You and I had our own great bus adventure on Christmas Eve. I brought you into work with me for the morning. The morning commute went beautifully – it could not have gone better, in fact. We rode most of the way sitting on the top floor of a double decker bus, in the front seat. You were delighted to be able to see so much, and from so high up. You had a nice time at the Christmas party for kids at my office, and you and Amelia enjoyed helping me make the hot cocoa. When it was time to go home, though, things got complicated. Because everyone was sent home at noon on Christmas Eve, the buses weren’t able to accommodate everyone. We waited an hour for a bus to taken us over the bridge to Ottawa. We didn’t spend that whole hour waiting at the bus stop, though. We walked to a taxi stand and called for a cab (we bailed on this idea because it was too long a wait), and we went to Second Cup for lunch. By the time we got home, it was after two o’clock. I was exhausted. You did beautifully. I can’t even explain how amazingly patient you were. 

Christmas preparations and celebrations seem to have lasted all month long. We attended a Christmas Farmers Market at the Aberdeen Pavilion early in the month, where you fell in love with one exhibitor’s toy train. We broke out the Christmas books. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read Mater Saves Christmas, but still greatly enjoy reading Christmas Wombat. We went to Kemptville for a Christmas festival, and you met Santa Claus there and sat on his knee. This is the first time you’ve had any interest in doing this. You told him that all you wanted for Christmas was a toy Dusty plane. Santa sent you a video message suggesting that you just might get one. Christmas morning was a happy time. 

  

Daddy, Granny, Grandma and I were so proud to attend your first school holiday concert. You and 130 other kindergarteners sang beautiful songs in the school gym, and then you took us back to your classroom to show us how you could play the hand bells so nicely. You also built a candy house at school, and enjoyed a “PJ day” on the last day before the holidays. For PJ day, you were allowed to bring a stuffed animal to school, and you chose Sheep. It was with real pride and delight that I listened to you coaching your furry friend, “I have exciting news, Sheep! Today is PJ day so you’re coming to school with me. I know you don’t know much about school because you have never been there, but I know about it, so I’ll show you.” And then, at the end of the day, I asked which stuffie your friend Nathan had brought to school. You said he hadn’t brought one, and that’s why you shared Sheep with him. That, my darling, is the spirit of Christmas right there. 

You learned more about that through another adventure. I chose the name of a four-year-old boy through my work’s Christmas Wish Cloud Campaign, and you chose his gift. (I explained that you were the expert on what a four-year-old boy would want for Christmas if he could only have one thing.) You very carefully selected a Spider-Man play set. You had lots of questions about this little boy, and I wasn’t able to answer too many of them because I didn’t have the answers. I don’t know if he has parents or where he goes to school. I don’t know where he lives. Although you were disappointed that you would not be able to give him you gift in person, it was a very good experience for you to choose a gift for someone you would never meet. We are already prepping you to choose some of your older toys to donate to kids who need them. 

We celebrated Christmas Eve at Mark and Janine’s with their families, and you had a lovely time, although the presence of four dogs made you a bit nervous. By the end of the evening, though, you declared you loved them all. You enjoyed hanging out with Fiona, although her father Rog was a bit appalled when she brought you upstairs to show you her bed. Christmas morning was at our house with Granny and Grandma, and then we had a restful day until Christmas dinner at Grandma’s house. It was a casual meal, and you loved opening your Christmas cracker and wearing the crown and sitting in front of the TV table to eat your meal. The next day, we drove to Toronto to spend a weekend with Tia and Tio and Isabel and their family. You and I went for a great walk – in your PJs! – to admire the decorations on their street and hit the drugstore to replace my toothbrush, which I had forgotten. On New Year’s Day, we had a visit from Grandpa Leo and Debi, and had yet another little Christmas. People were very generous, and we’ve tried to make you understand (even a little bit) how fortunate we are. 

You will be getting back to school next week after two weeks off. You have had a very successful first semester at school. Daddy and I attended a parent-teacher interview in November, and were proud (and a bit surprised, frankly) to hear what a great listener you are there. You do tend to move slowly and dilly-dally about getting dressed to go outside, and sometimes your play with your friends becomes a bit “hands-on” when things get very exciting. But these comments were far outweighed by those describing how well you express yourself verbally, how much you enjoy being at school, your eagerness to learn, and the other skills you are learning. We are working on fine-motor-skills at home – you love using your “scizzurps” (you know they are called scissors but love saying it that way) and we’ll focus on holding that pencil and writing letters once you’ve back at school and into a routine again. You have come home with beautiful projects – Paperbag Princess puppets (which we used for weeks to read the story), painted dragons, and a great painted shield. There’s even a bag of projects that we haven’t had time to open yet. 

One interesting thing I keep hearing from you about school is how you draw “water eaters.” The first time I heard of this was when you brought home a picture you had drawn for Thanksgiving. You were asked to draw something you were thankful for. You drew a water eater. I’m not clear whether this is a creature that is made of water or that eats water or both, but I’m curious, and I can’t wait to hear more about them. 

We read stories together every night before bed, and we also use that time to go through your school “sound book” and have you read your school reader to me. It has been really great to see how well you are rising to the challenge for more complex readers. Another part of our nightly ritual is how Daddy carries you from the big bed to your bed… by your ankles. I don’t know how much longer he’ll be able to do that, so enjoy it! You seem to have grown so much in the past few months. You can reach all the light-switches without using a stool. You take up much more space on the couch and in your bed. 

You are so sweet and affectionate, little bean. You like to pretend you are a baby creature – a bird, a wombat, a kitten – and climb into my lap for cuddles. The other day, you took a break from play and came and sat on my knee for about ten minutes while I sang “Freight Train” to you again and again. You love giving hugs and kisses, and being “cozy” and warm with a fuzzy blanket and a soft pillow. You also love to be nurturing and sweet to your stuffed animals. You like to play that they are the baby creature and you take care of them. It’s heartwarming to see. I hope you keep that nurturing ability for the rest of your life. 

I hope 2015 brings you joy and learning and laughter and friendship, my little love. I can’t wait to savour it with you. 

Wait, what's that symptom called?

Many of my long-time readers know that I've been experiencing menopausal symptoms since I was about 30. And then I took a whole bunch of drugs to try and get pregnant, and I experienced what felt like every other possible hormone-related symptom. 

I have a new one. If I think about it, it's been coming on slowly for a few months now, but it was very mild and I guess I always assumed it was related to the weather. But I started taking a low-dose HRT (Estrogel Propak) and now I see it for what it really is: a symptom of decreasing estrogen levels that makes me think I'm losing my fucking mind. 

It's called formication. No, read it again. Right. With an "m". 

And it's the feeling that your skin is crawling right off your body. If you Google it (and many of you have probably already done so), you'll see that it is also described as a feeling that there are insects crawling all over your body. It's a symptom that people with the DTs sometimes get.

I've had one really bad episode and a couple of somewhat bad episodes so far. The bad episode actually started while I was driving, and that wasn't something I want to repeat. I got home and took an antihistamine - there was no rash, but I was so itchy that I thought I must be having some kind of allergic reaction. Then I had a sudden thought that it might be related to the new drugs I'm on and googled "skin crawling + estrogen" and it all made sense. This also may explain the very random hives I've been getting every so often (like, one hive at a time, on my face, with no explanation) for the past few years. 

It gets better once I take my daily dose of hormones, which I do in the evening, no earlier than 9pm. The problem is that it often starts around 7pm, and I don't want to keep taking my hormones earlier and earlier or I'll end up taking them at noon, which is ridiculous and ill-advised, as they make me sleepy. 

So it looks like I just try not to scratch for an hour or so each night. But holy crap, it is maddening. Like, "tie me up in a straight-jacket and put me in a padded cell" kind of crazy-making. And I KNOW what's going on. 

So, ladies, as you approach menopause, be aware of some of the symptoms of decreasing estrogen levels. Because otherwise, you'll think you're losing your ever-loving mind. 

Dear Moe (September and October)

My dear, beautiful boy. I can’t get over how much you have changed and developed in the past two months since starting full-day junior kindergarten. Let me tell you about some of our adventures since September.

Your debut at school went super well. You were excited, happy and eager to be at school, and the drop-off went well on the first day and every day since. I’m so proud of your self-confidence. You made a friend right away – Nathan – and the two of you have been pretty inseparable ever since. You have other friends, too, and come home with lovely stories about sharing and trading classroom toys and the various games you play on the playground. You bid your Daddy goodbye each morning with a flying high-five, and head happily off into the Early-Day Program.

It has been wonderful to see and hear all the amazing things you are learning. Your class did a unit on butterflies – your teacher had a butterfly habitat in the classroom and you were able to observe first-hand the life cycle of caterpillar to “hanging J” to chrysalis to butterfly. And every week for a few weeks, you had a butterfly release party (complete with lovely paper crowns) where your classmates would send butterflies off into the wild with some great songs (“Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go to Mexico!” and “Fly, fly away, butterfly”). You were very disappointed that you were not one of the children chosen to actually release the butterflies, and it was a sore subject for a week or so. But it was a good lesson that not everyone gets picked to do everything. (You were selected to be the leader to the cloak room one day, though, and were pretty darn happy about that, even if one kid barged in front of you and went in first anyway. I explained that you could take comfort in knowing you were the TRUE and CHOSEN leader. The world is full of turkeys, darling. Try not to let them get you down.)

Meet the Teacher Night was lovely, if chaotic. You took great pride in showing us around your classroom and following the teacher’s classroom scavenger hunt. We are looking forward to the Parent-Teacher Interview appointment in the next week or so. It will be nice to see the work you’ve done on projects related to themes like worms, fall colours, and more recently, knights and castles.

You have brought home incredible artwork (complete with descriptive sentences!), and it has been so wonderful to see that you write your own name on your work now. In September, you were obviously using a model and the letters were very carefully formed. Now, you work without a model and your signature is fantastic. The first, third, and fifth letters are always backwards. It’s adorable. We have noticed your growing interest in numbers, reading, and French. You can count to ten in French. You understand addition and are getting very good at it. You often quiz me with mental math questions, some of which we work on together. We do your reading homework and your sound book together every night at story-time and it has been amazing to watch you improve each day. For the past two weeks, we have received lovely praise in your communications book from your teachers praising how well you read your weekly reader to your friends.

In addition to being in the Early-Day Program before school in the mornings, you have been in the Extended-Day Program in the afternoons. In October, we reduced to this three days a week, with Granny picking you up on Mondays and Tuesday. In January, we’ll go down to one day a week and (a freshly retired!) Grandma will pick you up on Wednesdays and Thursdays. While you are at school for the same number of hours that you were at Robin’s, school is just so much more intense, and the days feel very long for you. Also, you don’t seem to really enjoy the afternoon program all that much, for a number of reasons.

You have greatly enjoyed your time with Granny, though. You have raked leaves, steamed broccoli, taken bus trips, and played all kinds of games together. Your favourite game is one that most people call Store, but for some reason, you call it World.

You have had some wonderful day-long playdates with Grandma in the past few months, too. She took you to Funhaven (your head just about exploded with how much fun you had), and to the Canadian Children’s Museum to see the Bob the Builder Exhibit. You have great conversations together. I know you’ll be very happy to have more time with her in January.

Autumn has brought all kinds of great adventures. We celebrated your scholastic debut with a photo session with Sara McConnell, who you remembered from the family portraits we had done for your third birthday. You had a great time, and we were really pleased with the results.

I brought you to the Ottawa Geek Market, which was held at Nepean Sportsplex at the beginning of October. You were dressed as Mario, and you were a total hit. They had face painting there, so I had the woman paint you a moustache. People stopped to take photos with you. People were offering us all kind of free stuff because you were just so darn cute. We got our photo taken with the TARDIS and you met (and were enchanted by) a remote control K-9. You did end up with a slight case of the “gimmies,” but you enjoyed watching people play video games and left with a spider man change purse and a great new board game (My First Carcassone). You asked if we could go back again the following weekend. I had to break it to you that the Geek Market is only on twice a year.

We had a lot of exciting lead up to a great annual event that Uncle Mark puts together: Game-A-Thon. I explained that Daddy and some friends would be playing video games (and table top games) for 24-hours straight to raise money for the kids who are sick at CHEO. I also told you we would go and spend the day, that our chosen family would be there, and that you could do THREE 30-minute sessions with your DS. You just about lost your mind with excitement. And then a few days later, you were sorting money from your elephant bank and set aside a pile of coins, asking, “Can I raise these coins for geo?” It took me a few minutes to figure out that you meant “Can I donate them to CHEO?” You made a very nice donation to the money pot at the event, and had the time of your life. You played Mario Kart 7 with Loralei, you played Rock Bank with Sean, you played Forza with Uncle Mark, and you played Trouble with Becka. You ate Timbits and Ringolos for lunch. It was insane.

And THEN, as if that wasn’t enough, I took you from there to Gemma’s house for her birthday/Halloween party! I was worried your brain would explode. You made a Mr. Potato Head pumpkin, played with a toy ambulance, wowed people with your costume, ate a plate of lasagna and an entire cupcake, and then left with a loot bag, a glow stick, and a helium balloon. We tied the balloon to your wrist for the trip home. We got into the house, and as I was taking off your shoes (hard to do with a balloon on your wrist), I saw you pulling at the ribbon. I asked you not to untie the ribbon yet, until I could help you. You failed to heed my warning. The balloon sailed up to our stucco ceiling and popped with a spectacular sound. It took you a moment to figure out what had happened, but you understood when I held up the broken balloon. Trying to be brave, you said, “At least I still have my glowstick.” And then you burst into tears.

I explained that it is perfectly okay to be sad about losing something you were excited about having. We sat on the couch and had a cuddle, you took solace in your amazing Potato-Head-Pumpkin, and soon felt better. But you declared solemnly that you never wanted another balloon again because it would pop and you would be sad. I hope you can learn that as painful as it can be to lose something or someone we love, what we gain from loving in the first place can far outweigh the pain of the loss.

Our lives have been full of new babies lately! In the past few months, you’ve met Baby Harriet, Baby Dorothy and Baby Rowan. You find them cute, you enjoy “holding” them (sitting with them propped up against you on the couch) and are intrigued by how small they are. You are always really excited when you find out you will be spending time with one of them. 

Aunt Janine came across another small and cute creature… in her backyard. She found a newborn kitten, which she wanted to bring to the Ottawa Humane Society. So we drove her there, and you watched as she surrendered little Egon (who didn’t even have his eyes open yet). And while we were there and I’d already dosed with you Benadryl, we stopped in to pet the kitties. You LOVED petting the kitties. I think we will have to dope you up on Benadryl and bring you back there again. 

You greatly enjoyed Halloween this year, trick or treating for longer than you ever had, and making lots of friends along the way. I was very proud of how hard you worked to be polite and say “trick or treat,” “thank you!” and “happy Halloween!” to each person. 

In September, we started you into two weekend activities – one on each day of the weekend. On Saturdays, you have swimming lessons. This has been a long time coming. We have all worked really hard to get you comfortable in the water since the Swimming Lesson Disaster of 2012. This has involved trips to Bambi and Simon's large and quiet pool, swimming at Ted and Jen's, swimming at Disney. Things started to look promising in July when you were willing to be in the pool and not glued to me. You had a real breakthrough in August when you suddenly decided that if you were wearing a lifejacket you could actually let go of the edge of the pool. It was amazing. You blew us away with your first lesson – you were one of three boys and the only one who didn't end up crying or refusing to go into the pool. You listened, participated, and did everything asked of you. Within a few weeks, you were dunking yourself under water. You will be graduating from Low-Ratio Sea Otter soon, and we've already signed you up for Low-Ratio Salmander. I worried about having you in two activities at the same time while starting kindergarten, but I have no regrets. 

Because you're still really enjoying gymnastics! Your coach this session is Flex, and she is very pleased with your progress. We need to work on your stork stand a bit by practicing at home (I forgot this week) and we also need to have you practice front rolls and remind you to tuck your damn head. You keep ending up stuck in a half headstand! But you love your class, and it's been wonderful to watch your confidence and sense of discipline grow. 

The transition has gone very well, but that doesn't mean you don't miss Robin and her family. We've found a few occasions to see them, and are working on finding more. You had a really long chat on the phone with Robin a few weeks ago, and I think she was impressed with how well you could hold a conversation. She's looking forward to seeing you this weekend. 

You are such a lovely boy, Moe. Like Olaf, you love warm hugs. You have always taken great care of me, reminding me to eat breakfast in the morning. But this past few months, you got to really take care of me because I had a concussion. You were very patient with my need for rest, and played quietly when I asked you to and came up to cuddle with me gently if it was time for me to wake up. 

Your emotional capacity is growing. There have been a few instances this past few weeks where something in a book or television show has made you cry because it is so sad. When Gerald dropped his ice cream cone in the book Should I Share My Ice Cream?, I must have read it pretty convincingly because you burst into tears. And in one episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Jake and his crew lose Bucky and sing a very sad song about how hard it is to say goodbye to someone... and you wept. We always assure you that it's okay to cry at sad things, and remind you that things will work out in the end. The fact that you have been able to talk about your feelings in these moments is wonderful, and we are very proud of you. 

You've developed a few fears – you have never been a fan of the dark, and for a while you were having nightmares about piranha plants. But your sense of humour is also blossoming wonderfully. The other day I gave you permission to eat your banana while sitting on the couch, and you headed into the living room. Then I heard you calling, in a strange little voice, “Hello? Hello?” I came into the living room and you were talking into your banana, saying, “I'm calling you on my banana-phone to ask you to please open my banana!” 

You have grown curious about the concept of death. You occasionally mention, in an off-hand manner, that someday you'll be dead. You ask when we are going to die. It's never done in a morbid way, and it's often hilarious. 


And you are getting so tall. You can turn on most light switches on your own, and I marvel at how much space you take up when you lie down in the bathtub or when I see you stretched out in bed. You are looking so much older lately, that I occasionally wonder where my little boy has gone. But then you climb into my bed and put your head on my chest and ask me for a butterfly kiss and I'm reassured that you'll be here with me for a while longer yet. I love you so much. Thank you for being the best part of our lives. 

Dear Moe (July and August)

Oh, my darling, we have had such a wonderful summer. I can hardly believe it’s almost over. 

We have had some wonderful get-togethers with friends at various parks. Your summer has been filled with park play and picnics and wading pools and splash pads. Your legs are so tanned that your knees look permanently stained. I’m surprised you don’t sweat sunscreen. And you so rarely use your sand toys anymore – you are quite content to climb on the play structures, especially if you’re playing with bigger kids.

You have really come into your own over the past month or so. Robin reports that you often befriend other kids at the park, and that you are now standing up for yourself when someone treats you in a way that you perceive to be unfair. This is so encouraging, and it tells me that you are more than ready for whatever the next few months bring.

We have really limited your screen time this summer, and we’re pretty happy with the results. You get an hour of screen time each day – that includes the tablet, your DS, TV, etc. We bought a digital kitchen timer which keeps track of your time, and it’s great. It can be paused and restarted as often as necessary, and we aren’t constantly watching the clock. You speak less obsessively about your various games, and we are all spending less time in front of the TV.

We went on quite the holiday in July! We flew to Halifax and stayed with Grandpa Will and Grandma Anne for a week. It was absolutely wonderful. You had the time of your life – at times, there were as many as six adults giving you their full attention, and you discovered that your Uncle David can play soccer with you AND NEVER GET TIRED. We spent a morning at a 1940s heritage village, where you checked out the school house, ground up chicken feed, and fed some chickens. You also got a kick out of the water pump. We spent that afternoon at Clam Harbour Beach. It was a somewhat cool and cloudy day, but that didn’t stop you from getting soaked in the waves and playing happily in the sand. David took you out in a K2 at the Maskwa paddling club, and had a great time playing at that beach, too. We ate pretty much all our meals outdoors on Grandpa’s wonderful deck, and there were always plenty of cookies. It was your idea of heaven.

You did a day trip to Upper Clements Park with me, Grandma Anne, Grandpa Will and Heather.  It’s a lovely amusement park with lots of trees and fun rides for people your age and size. You impressed us all with your fearlessness. You climbed up this huge wooden tower with Heather, and I never thought you’d do it, but you crossed over a rope bridge to the other side. You adored the rides – the carousel, the airplanes, the truck convoy and especially the kiddy bumper boats. (Grandpa Will found it fascinating to watch you learn how to steer them.) I was amazed and delighted that you were willing to try the flume ride – you loved it! And it involved two BIG drops!

You and Daddy and I spent a lot of time in downtown Halifax. We had a wonderful time at the Discovery Centre, and history repeated itself when you fell asleep in the stroller as we wandered through the Public Gardens. (You did that with me when you were three months old – the last time you visited Halifax.) We checked out the Maritime History Museum, took a ferry ride, and did a lot of walking.

Mostly, though, I think you loved hanging out with your grandparents. You and Grandma Anne share an especially sweet bond. It was wonderful to watch you with them. And you have asked, pretty much every day for the last six weeks, when we’re going back to see them again.

You are just about done your first session of Super Starrs at gymnastics. This is a more advanced class, for kids who are 4.5 to 6 years old. It is certainly more challenging! You are the smallest and youngest in the class, but you amaze me every week with how hard you work to keep up, and how much you have improved over the session. Your coach, Widget, is really pleased.

We have signed you up for swimming lessons, starting in September. It’s a low-ratio class, so there will only be three or four kids. I’m hoping this session goes better than the last one did (you were about 2 years old – it was an unmitigated disaster) and that by the end of the session, you will have more confidence in the water. Having said that, you are doing pretty darn well. You love being in the water, and you have made great strides swimming with a life jacket. But it’s time for you to start getting comfortable without one.

We have had all kinds of interesting conversations lately. The Magic Treehouse books have raised all kinds of questions about topics like war, slavery, and natural disasters. Conversations at daycare with Alex have led to discussions at home about religion. The conversation on religion led to a discussion about human conception, which led to me trying to find a not-terribly-traumatic video on Youtube that would show how a woman’s vagina can stretch to accommodate a baby’s head. (Found one that was done as a 3-D render. Phew.)

We had a conversation about appropriate nudity. It wasn’t a conversation I particularly wanted to have with you yet, but something forced my hand. You and the other daycare kids were playing on Robin’s lawn in the sprinkler, and you were naked. We don’t have a problem with you being naked in a setting like that (it was 30 degrees out and you were the oldest child at 4 and a half years old!), but one of her neighbours clearly had an issue and instead of sharing their concerns with Robin, they called the police. Long story short, we ended up talking about how it is fine to be naked with people you love and trust, but that we probably shouldn’t be naked where strangers can see us.

And you love being naked. I think your favourite part of the day is after your bath, when you can run around without your clothes, and cuddle up with your blanket on the big bed. You love wiggling your bare bum at us, and just seem so relaxed and innocent, running around without your clothes. Enjoy it while you can… it is already getting cooler in the evenings.

We had a really remarkable playdate last weekend with our friends Tash and Lhotse. They live in Almonte, so we went up for the better part of the day. You played so well with Lhotse and her neighbour, Tommy, both of whom are four years old. And then Tash set up her backyard zip line! What a treat! You were your usual cautious self, not wanting to go too fast, but you had a wonderful time, and all three of you were really good about taking turns. We’ll have to get out there again soon.

A big change that happened recently was that your Daddy got a new job! I know you’ll miss visiting his store (that was always a very special time for both of you), but this new job means that Daddy is home with us on weekends. We haven’t quite digested what this means yet, but I’m really excited about it. He’s even going to take you to your swimming lessons!

And of course, the biggest change happens in the next week. Tomorrow is your last day at Robin’s. On Tuesday, you and I are going shoe shopping, then to your intake interview to meet your teacher, and then for a haircut. Wednesday, you get to determine the agenda, and then on Thursday, you start kindergarten.

I know you are going to do great. I know you are going to make friends. I know you are going to be fine. And hopefully I will be, too.

I love you so much that I don’t even know how to express it to you. I am so proud of the person you are becoming. You have your moments, but overall, you make the right choices: you are friendly and helpful and fun. Thank you being so wonderful.