Interesting

At six o'clock this morning, my son did something he has never done before. He was hungry and he refused a bottle. He sobbed, pushing the bottle away angrily. He was demanding to be breast fed. 

I nursed him. He was lucky - it was first thing in the morning, so I was pretty engorged. He wrapped his soft little hands around my breast and stroked it gently as he nursed. His eyebrows furrowed, as though he was putting every ounce of concentration into enjoying this moment and the connection between us. It broke my heart and warmed it at the same time.

Once I was empty (after hardly any time at all), I offered him the bottle again. He refused it, and cried as I put him back in his crib. His little sobs and sniffles gradually abated as he fell asleep again. 

I don't want to stop breastfeeding. I absolutely love it. I have enjoyed the convenience, the connection, the knowledge that although there were so many things my body wasn't able to do to create my son, it was at least able to nourish him. And I know how incredibly lucky I am to have been able to do it. I thanked my stars every day. But my milk supply was starting to decrease, and I thought it made more sense to do it now while we had a lot of time, rather than do it with the "back to work" deadline looming over us. 

The weaning has been going really well. But I guess it was too much to ask that he wouldn't notice the change, that my (albeit incredibly adaptable) baby would be able to completely give up something he loves so much without any protest at all. And in a way, I find it reassuring. He's showing me that he has enjoyed nursing as much as I have over the past 10 months.

The Long Goodbye

I've started weaning because there have been a few feedings now where Moe is still hungry after I'm tapped dry. So I gave him a bottle last night before bed. (Cut to me in the bathroom, expressing milk into a washcloth to reduce the engorgement in my left breast.) He's never had a problem taking a bottle, so I know this process will go pretty well. But I'll miss breastfeeding. I'll miss the way our eyes would meet, the way his chubby little hands would sometimes pat my boob, as if to say, "good boob, I love you". I'll even miss the way he would pull off just as the letdown was starting, causing milk to spray everywhere. I'm so pleased I was able to breastfeed - it erased any insecurities I had about him not being of my DNA. It was something we were able to learn together - although it didn't come easily. I'm really grateful for the nursing necklace Ardently made me - I'll keep it as a memento of this special time we shared.

In the meantime, I'm going to start bottle feed him every other feeding, and see where that gets us. Today went really well. I pumped early in the morning to deal with the engorgement, and nursed him once. Other than that, he was getting bottles or sippy cups.

Dear Moe (10 months)

Oh, sweet baby, the time is flying by. And you are getting so big so quickly. You haven’t increased in size much this month, but wow, have you ever made strides in terms of your abilities. Every day there seems to be something new that you can do.

The biggest change is that you’re crawling! Oh yes, you figured it out! Around the end of November, you found first gear and it didn’t take very long for you to become totally mobile. And just this past week or so, you’ve started pulling yourself up onto your knees, sitting back on your haunches. You’re working very hard to pull up to standing, and you enjoy “walking” with our help.

You’re not too interested in your exersaucer anymore, except to use it to pull yourself up. But you do still enjoy spending some time in your playpen, which is nice for me, because it gives me a chance to get a few things done in the kitchen or the living room.

For the most part, we keep the TV off during the day, except for 4:00 pm, when Ellen comes on. You love Ellen. It’s crazy. You’ll sit quite happily in your playpen, or snuggle with me on the couch, and you can’t take your eyes off her. I can understand why you like the show - it’s upbeat, there’s music, we dance, there’s a lot of laughter and clapping. It’s nice that we can have something to watch together!

You’re making all kinds of new sounds, too. I’m pretty darn sure you say “Dadada” and “Mamama” (and mean it) and for a little while you were making this awesome sound like “neg-neg-neg”. I’d like you to start spending a bit less time with your soother in - I love to hear you chat.

You wave hello and goodbye, you greet people with a smile, and you’re still very much the smiley and happy baby we love so much. You have some great ticklish spots, you’re learning how to do an eskimo kiss, and you love dancing and being tossed around. Nothing is better than the sound of your laugh.

You have not gotten used to the vaccum. I thought if I kept using it, you’d eventually get used to the noise. Now you cry before I even turn it on. But I’ll keep persevering.

Teething is back with a vengeance right now. You drool like a St Bernard, and I can tell your gums are really bothering you when you chew on Chomp or Sophie only to toss them aside in frustration. But you still have no teeth to show for all that effort and discomfort.

Your sleep patterns have changed again - you generally do longer stretches at night waking up only once (except when teething is bad), and you’re taking two naps a day instead of three. Sometimes we struggle a bit after the first night-time wake up, but it’s getting better.

Your skin has gotten so much better since we took you off of poultry and eggs. You enjoy eating cheese, you love a good Baby Num Num cracker, and we give you either pork or beef every day. We’re working on getting more fish in there, too. You’ve started drinking cows milk now - you like it out of a sippy cup, not a bottle. But if we give you formula, you prefer that out of a bottle. You love your wheat biscuit cereal, and your fruit (apples, blueberries, strawberries, mixed fruit). You can chew whole peas and pieces of carrot and potato in your stew, and you enjoy the occasional serving of soggy cheerios. You still haven’t mastered picking up the cheerios up to feed yourself, but they can be slippy little buggers, so I understand. I tried giving you melon, and while you enjoyed it, you also sucked all the juice out and spit out the pieces.

I take you out for sleigh ride every day, if possible. You like to lean slightly to one side and let your hand trail along beside the sleigh. We’ve lost a mitten this way, but recovered it on the way home. It also means I have to be pretty careful where I pull the sled - I don’t want you running your mitt through anything gross! The other day we went to the park and you got back on your swing - you were pretty happy to see that you could still swing in the winter. You look so cute in your snowsuit with your hat and scarf - a little blue bird with brown and red trimming.

We took you to one of our favourite holiday events this year - the annual Mochitsuki. You did beautifully in such a crowded place. You watched the rice pounding with mild interest, but it was the Taiko drumming that got you really excited. You kicked your legs and laughed and swung your arms. It was wonderful. We’ve been waiting a long, long time to bring you there. And the Japanese Ambassador took notice of you and gave you a little tickle under the chin as he passed by.

And our Christmas tree is up! At first, you weren’t keen to touch it at all (I can’t say we were sorry), but now you reach out with cautious interest. Occasionally, the low branches poke you in the bum as you scoot around, and you often protest with great indignation. It takes up a lot of room in the living room, so I’m glad you don’t totally hate it. We put up your two Christmas ornaments - the Baby’s First Christmas Mickey Mouse ornament your Grandpa brought you from Walt Disney World just after you were born, and the Winnie the Pooh Baby’s First Christmas ornament I bought you. I think we’ll wait until Christmas Eve to put any gifts under the tree, though!

Little boy, you love your Daddy so much. You have so much fun with him - especially just before and after your bath. You laugh, you dance, you squeal in delight. You wave goodnight to him every night - even when he’s not there! And it’s wonderful to hear you say “Dadadada.” (Almost as awesome as when you say “Mamamama.”)

We had a holiday gathering here just before my birthday. There were more than 30 people in the house, between 5pm and 8pm. You did beautifully. You remained in great spirits, you didn’t mind the crowds, you played with everyone so well, and were generally a delight. It was magical. You never cease to amaze us, Moe.

We’re going to your very first birthday party this afternoon! Your little friend Emily is turning one - I’m sure it will be an exciting time for you and all your friends. :)

You love playing with your train, as well as with your plastic vegetables. I bought you a ball recently, and you enjoy rolling it back and forth. I can’t wait for you to see what Santa is going to bring you...

Thank you so much for making 2010 the best year of my life, little man. You are so much fun to play with, to cuddle, to sing to, to dance with. We are so lucky to have you in our life. I love you.

Dear Moe (9 months)

Hi, sweetheart. You turned nine months old a few days ago. I’m a bit late with your letter because we had to say goodbye to your "furry brother". Boo got very sick and we needed to say goodbye to him. I know you won’t remember him, so I’ll tell you a bit about him.

He was very good to you. He never took a swipe at you or bit you, even when you grabbed his fur. He liked being near you, unless you were screeching. He occasionally gave you headbutts of love, or marked your feet with his cheeks. If you cried from distress (as opposed to crying from hunger) he would meow at us until we fixed the problem. He would come into your room at bedtime, and leave as soon as you were settled in my arms. I’m glad we have some photos of both of you together.

It’s been a busy month, my sweet pea. You have really found your voice - you make all kinds of great sounds. You can do g-g-g, d-d-d, r-r-r and b-b-b. You love to yell and screech, especially in a place where it echoes. Sometimes it sounds like you’re trying to echolocate. You also like to make clicking sounds. Lately you are also making a sound that is kind of like a roar - you do it in your high chair. We call it "hulk smash". And in the evenings, you frequently make wookie noises. So we say, "Hulk by day, wookie by night." You’re awesome, no matter what noise you make. Even the bat chat.

You are scooting around at great speeds, turning yourself about and shuffling backwards. Still no forward crawling, but it will come. It’s actually really nice that I can put you down on the floor and you can amuse yourself without moving too far. But I know it won’t last! You enjoy standing at your exersaucer or in your room at your crib.

You love playing with your train and your beads. Your absolutely favourite toy is your turtle, though. Granny bought it for you as a bath toy, but you take it everywhere. I won’t let you keep it in your crib, though, because you won’t sleep! You love that turtle - you smile when we pull it out for you. You enjoy teething on it, sticking his head in your mouth, and chatting to it.

You love to be cuddled, which is just fine with me. Usually by 4pm, you’re getting a bit weary. So we watch Ellen together on the couch, and you let me snuggle you while you play with your remote. (We call it the Moemote - it’s small and doesn’t work anything.) I love the smell of your hair, and the feeling of your hands on my arm. You love Ellen. You smile when you see her, and you love to dance with her.

You love to dance with anyone, in fact. We still try and dance at least once a day with you - you laugh and smile and shriek with delight. And it’s good exercise for us! We dance to our music, but also to a classic Sesame Street CD and some tunes by John Ligthgow. You’re also a fan of the Pixar soundtrack album. We all dance together to “If I Didn’t Have You”. And I’ve been introducing you to Edith Piaf.

You had your first Halloween, and you were a total trooper. We went to a few houses on our street to show you off, then we headed to Aunt Janine and Uncle Mark’s where you hung out with your buddy Zaphod. You had a great time.

We brought you to an allergist this month, too. It turns out that you’re allergic to eggs. Once we eliminated any food with noodles in it (as they contain eggs) as well as poultry, your skin cleared up quite a bit. We were also told that with your eczema, you have an increased risk of asthma. So we’re trying to stay aware of that. You charmed all the people in the waiting room at the allergist, and distracted them from their itchy arms. And when you cried a very little bit when the doctor pricked you, they were all very sad for you. But you got over it quickly and were back to your sunny self again right away. I was so proud.

We’ve done a few nice outings with you, despite poor weather. We hit the Agriculture Museum together, where you saw the animals. And I brought you to Mer Bleue Boardwalk where Jeannie and her girls showed you how to feed the chickadees. You love observing the world around you. You sit quietly and watch and take everything in.

I brought you to see Reg on Remembrance Day, and you were amazing. You sat on his lap quietly and thoughtfully while we watched the ceremony on TV. I think he really enjoyed having you there.

You are sleeping pretty darn well these days. You went through a growth spurt for a week where you took 3-hour naps and did 8-hour stretches at night. It was bliss. You’re back to your old self now, but you average 6-hour stretches at night, and I can live with that. You also go to bed a lot easier than you used to.

You make us laugh and smile all the time. We call you the "make everything better machine". It’s so gratifying that you really seem to enjoy spending time with us! We love spending time with you. Keep growing into the thoughtful, sweet, smiley little boy you are. 

Dear Moe (8 months)

Sweet baby, you are eight months old today. And every day you find new ways to show us just how awesome you are.

You had your first cold this month, and we quickly acquired a humidifier for your room. It helped during the cold, and it has helped since then as well. It was very hard to see you sick and unhappy - we knew something was wrong right away because you just weren’t your sunny usual self. The hardest part was that you clearly WANTED to be sunny and happy - you were trying hard, in fact, but the cold kept beating you down. We were very happy when you overcame it.

Your hair is getting pretty long. The faux-hawk is kind of getting weighed down, and it’s getting harder and harder to comb off the cradle cap on the front of your head because all that hair gets in the way. I’m torn between wanting to give you a hair cut and wanting to keep your soft little locks all baby soft for a bit longer. Either way, when you do eventually get a hair cut, you can bet that the little alfalfa sprout I love so much is going to get snipped off and saved.

For the most part, you sleep very well. We have maybe one night in seven when you struggle to go down, and a similar ratio of nights where you wake up a lot. Daddy just put together your new crib, which is lower to the ground than your old one. We want you to be able to enjoy that mobile for a bit longer - and you love it so much. Also, this isn’t a drop-side crib, so we don’t worry about the hardware breaking. This crib is a bit darker for you than they old one - the headboard and footboard are solid instead of spindled - so it may take a bit of getting used to.

Let’s talk about what makes you laugh and smile. You love to dance. I mean, you LOVE to dance. Whether it’s one of us bouncing you around to music or you dancing in your Jolly Jumper, nothing makes you happier than expressing yourself through movement. You love it when we sing together, when we clap to songs, and when we play games that involve repeating a beat.

Making you laugh is so much fun - I can go the easy route and tickle your ribs, but it’s more fun to find new and different things that make you smile. Funny faces, funny sounds, when I get out of the shower and am wearing nothing but a towel on my head... these all crack you up. Your Granny and Grandma live to see you smile and hear your howls of laughter. Your Daddy knows all the spots to tickle to get you to squeal.

You are sitting up by yourself really well now. We rarely have a topple, and when we do, you recover pretty quickly. You like to chill in your laundry basket, which I can tote around the house from room to room as I get things done. You can sit in your playpen without falling over too quickly. If I need to, I can feed you as you sit on the floor. You haven’t mastered going from sitting to all fours yet, but that will come.

And you’re good on all fours. We often come into your room to find you in your crib with your knees under you, rocking forward and backward. You are great at turning around on your belly, and you can go backwards pretty well, but you still haven’t quite figured out crawling yet. It won’t be long - you are so close and very eager. (And then the fun will start...!)

We have a carpet in your bedroom now, and it’s a great place for you to stretch out and practice crawling. But I have to vacuum it every couple of days or it makes you stuffy. (Or, I put a blanket down on it.) The alphabet pads in the living room aren’t as good for you to practice on anymore - you have learned how to lift the letters and eat them. We’re going to look at getting you a play carpet - something with roads and streets on it that you can use for years. Something a little less edible.

You are getting so good at observational learning. Banging blocks together, shaking your rattle, playing with your wire-and-bead toy - you see what we do and try and copy us. You learn so quickly. I’m trying to teach you about your different parts - I’m looking forward to when I can say, "Moe, where’s your nose?" and you’ll point to it. We’re also working on animals - I’m hoping you’ll be able to point to them soon, too.

I think we saw your very first sign on Daddy’s birthday. You signed "more" while in your high chair. I have no idea if you knew what it meant, but you can bet you got more food as soon as you did it. It was so gratifying - I didn’t know if we were being consistent enough with the signing. This gave me the confidence to keep going with them. We just focus on a couple right now - "more" and "all done". If and when you master those, we’ll move on to some others.

We still work hard to get outside every day - often to the park. You had your first time in the baby swing a few weeks ago, and you also experienced a teeter totter! So now we try and hit the swings every day. You’ve also tried the slide, but weren’t terribly impressed.

Daddy loves to cook for you - he’s made you chicken casserole, fish casserole, and beef stew. We tried a pork and apple dish, but I think the parsnips didn’t agree with you. He’s going to try that one again without them. You eat homemade sweet potatoes, carrots and prune-apricot blend. I’ve pretty much stopped giving you cereal. The only store-bought food we give you these days are fruit blends. But Melissa just gave us a huge bag of baby food, so we’re incorporating those into your homemade food blends. We haven’t really found a food you don’t like, although we have found a couple that don’t agree with you. (You love strawberries, but I think they give you a rash.) You’re going for allergy testing in November, so we’ll see what comes of that. You enjoy the occasional Baby Mum Mum and you are getting really good at holding your sippy cup by yourself - it has to be pretty full, though, or else you just suck air!

You are really starting to enjoy your toys now - they aren’t just things on which to teethe. You have two noisy trains that you enjoy, you love banging your rattle on anything you can reach, you can spend ages playing with the wire-and-bead toy, you enjoy your old school Fisher Price TV music box that Daddy bought for you, and your new stacking blocks bring you much pleasure. You are now able to totally turn yourself about in your exersaucer (still no sign of figure saucing, though - we can only hope). It seems like every day, you find something new that you can do. It must be exhausting for your brain to be learning so quickly!

You bring us such joy every day. I look forward to hanging out with you each day and sharing new adventures with you. You bring smiles to the faces of everyone you meet. You are amazing. We love you so much.

Dear Moe (Seven Months)

Well, my love, you’re seven months old today. It doesn’t seem possible that you’ve been part of our lives for more than half a year. And what a time it’s been. You find new ways every day to bring us joy.

Just after your turned six months old, we attended a very special picnic together as a family. The Ottawa Fertility Centre hosted a picnic to celebrate the families it has helped create. Despite the rain, it was a really wonderful experience to be surrounded by all these children that were hoped for and dreamed of for so long. And it was lovely to introduce you to the doctors and staff who were so supportive of us during our journey while we looked for you. They hold the picnic every two years; we intend to go again. And again.

And we travelled together as a family for the first time! You and Daddy and Granny and I all drove to Toronto together for Aunt Natalie and Uncle Darin’s wedding. We stayed with your Tia and Tio for the first night - you slept in a playpen for the first time, and you slept through the night! I didn’t. Then we spent two nights at a downtown hotel, and you did so well. The whole trip with you was such a joy. You behaved beautifully during the wedding ceremony and at the dinner at the restaurant afterwards. And you had some beautiful smiles for your new Uncle Darin - I think he was pretty enchanted with you.

In the last month, you have made huge strides in your solid food adventure. We have gone from rice cereal once a day to a wide variety of solid foods three times a day. So far, you’re a very easy going eater - you have liked pretty much everything we put in front of you. You’re just not big on the thicker textures yet. You drink water from a sippy cup with each meal. You’re even making noises about wanting to hold the spoon yourself. Occasionally, we get frustrated with each other - you like to chew on the high chair tray, I don’t let you. You’ve also been known to knock the spoon out of my hand in your exuberance. The solid food has also created other challenges - you now eat a serving of prunes once a day, and I never thought I’d say this, but I miss your infant poops.

And you are almost at the point where you can sit independently on your own. We still need to do a great deal of spotting, because you’re pretty wobbly, but we’ve seen you sit for extended periods of time without assistance. It’s been wonderful.

We have a few regular weekly adventures together, assuming your napping schedule permits. On Monday afternoons we attend the Baby and Me Drop In Playgroup at the Ontario Early Years Centre. There are a lot of cool toys for you to play with there, and a lot of older kids who are already crawling. On Tuesday morning, we go to a playgroup at Shannon’s house and you play with Elianne and Emily, and often the two Alexes are there, too. It’s a lovely time for Mommy - these are the mommies and babies we met through the Well Baby Clinic. It’s been really special to watch you all grow and develop. And for the past couple of weeks, we’ve been going to the Library on Fridays. We cruise the board book section together and bring home new stories to read. You had an especially positive reaction to Cat the Cat, Who is That? by Moe Willems. Maybe you just like the author’s name. I think you like the illustrations. We might have to buy that one for you.

We’ve had to move you up to 9 months sized clothing now, and I put you in blue jeans for the first time a week or so ago. You look like such a big boy! My baby is gone, and I have a delightful little boy instead. Granny has decided that the turtle is your totem animal - you have lots of turtle toys, your turtle onesie is one of your cutest, and let’s face it, when you’re trying to crawl, you kind of look like a turtle. A small, adorable turtle. So Granny bought you a great mealtime bib with turtles on it.

Granny and your Grandma love you so much - they are here as often as they can be and you smile when they come through the door. Your Grandma has a special song that she sings to you. If either of them have had a hard day, you are what makes the day so much better for them. Your Daddy and I feel the same way.

It’s interesting to see how you deal with unfamiliar situations. If the room is crowded or loud or the situation is new, you withdraw a bit, but you remain very intent on observing what is going on around you. As you get more comfortable, you become more verbal, and you relax.

The last few nights, we’ve struggled with your sinus congestion. You seem to have seasonal allergies. Your nose isn’t stuffed up in a way that I can aspirate - it’s your sinuses that are stuffed. So we’ve taken to spending some time in the bathroom with the hot shower running. It loosens things up. But you are still struggling to get to sleep.

We just love spending time with you. Your smile makes us smile, your laugh is the best sound ever. You are so patient and kind and sweet. You are adorable, lovable and at times hilarious. The best part of my day is right after you wake up from a nap - you’re smiley and cuddly.

We love you so much, little Moe. We tell you that a lot, but I don’t think you’ll ever really know how much we adore you. You make our life complete. Keep being so wonderful. We’ll keep doing our best to be everything you need us to be.

Dear Moe (Just Because)

I forgot to tell you, sweetie! When we went for your 6-month appointment, you were weighed and measured. You're 18 lbs, 4 oz. You are in the 75th percentile for height and weight and the 50th for head circumference.

You're such a handsome little devil. :)

Love, Mommy