An email from Janine

Got this email from my darling Janine, which was her way of saying that I'm in her thoughts, without actually saying it like a Hallmark card. I thought I'd share it because it made me laugh.

I realize you're going to be playing your cards pretty close to your chest about the IVF and donor eggs and such. If that's how you gotta play it, that's the way you gotta play it. BUT KNOW THIS!! *strikes a noble pose* I am impossibly curious and interested.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "now she's gonna say that she's there for me if I need her" and NO, I was not going to say that, although I did say that just to say that I'm not going to say that. I am NOT here for you with, like, *just the right thing* to make you feel better. I don't got a panda that corresponds to the emotions related to IVF and donor eggs.

No, Yumi, I am not "here for you", but rather, I am always on the end of a phone line READY TO LISTEN WITH GREAT INTEREST. Yes, that's right, lots of interest.

So you'll be out there, in clinics, with your friends and family, you'll be doing what you gotta do. And I just want you to know that I am going to be sitting idly by in my office or at home, feeling like I'm going to DIE OF CURIOUSITY. Mark will recognize the symptoms. I will wander from room to room, picking things up and putting things down.

This random activity will serve no purpose. If Mark tries to read, I will bat at the paperback until he finds a hard cover to beat me with.

I will complain that I am hungry, but that there is nothing to eat. I will insist on putting on the TV, but I will not be able to focus on the TV.

I will watch Fashion File upside down, so that it looks like I'm watching videos of icicles walking around on a black ceiling. I will complain about my body image.

I will fold clothes.

I will drop the clothes and they will unfold.

I will kick the clothes around in anger.

I will stomp off.

Mark will wonder why I've just ruined his laundry.

I will try new things, like brushing my teeth while I shower. Mark will listen with concern as I spit out Head & Shoulder Extreme Dandruff Control and then scream for help to get the Colgate outta my bangs.

I will try to learn five new skills at once. This will result in macraméd origami knitting needles in a red wine reduction served up on a bed of yoga.

I may dye my hair.

I won't like it, but I'll try it, and then I'll verbally abuse the hair dresser when "hot house flower" turns out to be exactly what it showed on the box, which I thought would look completely different on me.

These are the ways I will spend my time.

I felt like I should share, so that ALTHOUGH YOU WILL NEVER SEE THESE THINGS HAPPENING, you will know that I care in a non-invasive way.

...Mark may come to you for some heavy drinks during this time. Please get him drunk and let him sleep over. He'll need it.

Progress

Things are starting to move along. Appointments are being booked for tests, meetings, payment. It's starting to become real. It's all very exciting and scary.

I'll keep you all informed, but I may play this a bit closer to the chest than I have in the past.

Whisky Tango Foxtrot

Today is Day 1. About 5 weeks after my last day 1, which was brought on by acupuncture.

Can I get a big "WTF?"

Omg. Is this actually finally happening?

OWD got blood test results - she's 100% clear. I have a feeling my results are waiting on the voice mail at work, but it doesn't really matter what my immunity levels are... OWD is 100% clear, and her doctor is giving us the go-ahead.

Next step is to call OFC and... determine next steps.

Holy shit, I think this might actually be happening.

I am attempting to stomp my hopes into the floor, but those fuckers keep rising defiantly.

Waiting in the Wings

I'm standing among really heavy curtains, just off of an enormous stage. The stage is all black, except for a spotlight. I'm wearing really uncomfortable tap shoes.

All I want to do is walk out there and tap dance my heart out. I don't know how to tap dance. I've never done it before, but I'll give it my best shot. I don't expect that I'll be all that graceful, but part of me wonders if I might not be some kind of a secret prodigy. Maybe I'll dazzle everyone. Or maybe I'll fall on my face.

The curtains are all so big and heavy that I can't find my way to the stage. And I know I'm not allowed to go out there until I'm given the go-ahead, but the stage manager seems to have disappeared somewhere.

The audience is getting restless. They won't stay seated for long.

Hep B or not Hep B... That is the question...

Whether 'tis nobler... ok, that's as far as I'm gonna go with that one.

An update! OWD and I went to a medical appointment today with the gastro specialist who originally diagnosed OWD as a Hep B carrier. (This is the appointment we attempted to make in August. The wheels of universal healthcare move slowly, but I'm grateful they move at all.)

A few things have come out of this appointment:
-baby would not be at risk at all
-the question is whether I would be at risk for contracting Hep B from the donated eggs - Dr didn't seem terribly concerned, but respected OFC's desire for full CYA procedure
-OWD was sent for DNA test to confirm that her virus levels are still 0 - today's DNA tests are more sensitive than they were 5 years ago when she was last tested (and had 0 virus level)
-I was sent for bloodwork to determine immunity to Hep B - I've had 2 of 3 rounds of the vaccine, so I should be at least 80% immune

So we went to the appointment together, then we went for bloodwork together... it was like bonding... with needles. Awww.

We wait for results. I'm feeling pretty confident that we'll be ok and able to move ahead.

Acupuncture A-Pointy-Mint

So I went for my very first acupuncture appointment on Saturday morning. It was a 2.5 hour long deal, as this was the first appointment, and a good chunk of that involved my medical history.

The actual acupuncture was not at all what I expected.

First, it was painless.
Second, she stuck needles into places I wasn't expecting her to stick needles. (My head and ears - get your mind out of the gutter.)
Third, it was incredibly relaxing. I felt like I'd just had a massage... I was completely relaxed, and actually caught myself drooling a little when I was lying on my stomach.

Basically, she puts the needles in and walks away for 25 minutes, leaving you there. And during that time, I monitored waves of different feelings in various places in my body, and my mind, and emerged feeling like a million bucks. Crazy.

She focused on reproductive and digestive systems for this first appointment, and told me that the benefits of acupuncture are usually felt within the three days following the appointment.

I was on the phone with Marsha yesterday and told her that I didn't have any benefits to report, despite trying to be aware of any changes or feelings.

Half an hour after I got off the phone with her, I got my period. For the first time in MONTHS. And it came as a total surprise because I haven't had any symptoms of PMS - no cramping, no sensitivity, no crazy fatigue.

So, uh... I'm thinking there might be something in this acupuncture thing, and I intend to incorporate it into my IVF regimen.