Whisky Tango Foxtrot

Today is Day 1. About 5 weeks after my last day 1, which was brought on by acupuncture.

Can I get a big "WTF?"

Omg. Is this actually finally happening?

OWD got blood test results - she's 100% clear. I have a feeling my results are waiting on the voice mail at work, but it doesn't really matter what my immunity levels are... OWD is 100% clear, and her doctor is giving us the go-ahead.

Next step is to call OFC and... determine next steps.

Holy shit, I think this might actually be happening.

I am attempting to stomp my hopes into the floor, but those fuckers keep rising defiantly.

Waiting in the Wings

I'm standing among really heavy curtains, just off of an enormous stage. The stage is all black, except for a spotlight. I'm wearing really uncomfortable tap shoes.

All I want to do is walk out there and tap dance my heart out. I don't know how to tap dance. I've never done it before, but I'll give it my best shot. I don't expect that I'll be all that graceful, but part of me wonders if I might not be some kind of a secret prodigy. Maybe I'll dazzle everyone. Or maybe I'll fall on my face.

The curtains are all so big and heavy that I can't find my way to the stage. And I know I'm not allowed to go out there until I'm given the go-ahead, but the stage manager seems to have disappeared somewhere.

The audience is getting restless. They won't stay seated for long.

Hep B or not Hep B... That is the question...

Whether 'tis nobler... ok, that's as far as I'm gonna go with that one.

An update! OWD and I went to a medical appointment today with the gastro specialist who originally diagnosed OWD as a Hep B carrier. (This is the appointment we attempted to make in August. The wheels of universal healthcare move slowly, but I'm grateful they move at all.)

A few things have come out of this appointment:
-baby would not be at risk at all
-the question is whether I would be at risk for contracting Hep B from the donated eggs - Dr didn't seem terribly concerned, but respected OFC's desire for full CYA procedure
-OWD was sent for DNA test to confirm that her virus levels are still 0 - today's DNA tests are more sensitive than they were 5 years ago when she was last tested (and had 0 virus level)
-I was sent for bloodwork to determine immunity to Hep B - I've had 2 of 3 rounds of the vaccine, so I should be at least 80% immune

So we went to the appointment together, then we went for bloodwork together... it was like bonding... with needles. Awww.

We wait for results. I'm feeling pretty confident that we'll be ok and able to move ahead.

Acupuncture A-Pointy-Mint

So I went for my very first acupuncture appointment on Saturday morning. It was a 2.5 hour long deal, as this was the first appointment, and a good chunk of that involved my medical history.

The actual acupuncture was not at all what I expected.

First, it was painless.
Second, she stuck needles into places I wasn't expecting her to stick needles. (My head and ears - get your mind out of the gutter.)
Third, it was incredibly relaxing. I felt like I'd just had a massage... I was completely relaxed, and actually caught myself drooling a little when I was lying on my stomach.

Basically, she puts the needles in and walks away for 25 minutes, leaving you there. And during that time, I monitored waves of different feelings in various places in my body, and my mind, and emerged feeling like a million bucks. Crazy.

She focused on reproductive and digestive systems for this first appointment, and told me that the benefits of acupuncture are usually felt within the three days following the appointment.

I was on the phone with Marsha yesterday and told her that I didn't have any benefits to report, despite trying to be aware of any changes or feelings.

Half an hour after I got off the phone with her, I got my period. For the first time in MONTHS. And it came as a total surprise because I haven't had any symptoms of PMS - no cramping, no sensitivity, no crazy fatigue.

So, uh... I'm thinking there might be something in this acupuncture thing, and I intend to incorporate it into my IVF regimen.

News Release from IAAC: My Story

The Infertility Awareness Association of Canada (IAAC) today called on Ontario's infertile community to share their stories with the Ontario government. The email-based "My Story" campaign seeks to share the personal stories of those touched by infertility in Ontario with local MPP's, the Premier and the Ministers of Health and Children and Youth Services. IAAC is hoping to collect more than 10,000 stories documenting the physical, emotional and financial impact of infertility in Ontario.

Despite statistics that suggest 1 in 6 Ontarians faces difficulties starting a family, IAAC believes that this critical public health issue remains too often a private matter. "The My Story Campaign will force Ontario's politicians to become better aware of the issue and the struggle of their infertile constituents," says Bev Hanck, Executive Director of IAAC. According to IAAC, the campaign isn't only seeking the stories of those individuals and couples facing infertility, but the personal experiences of those who were touched by a loved one's pursuit of family.

The My Story campaign is being launched months prior to the final report by the province's Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption, "in order to help the Ontario government better recognize what's at stake," says Bev Hanck.

"Once exposed to Ontario's infertile community they will see it all," says Bev Hanck. "A community filled with great sadness and great joy; resilience and fatigue; hope and despair. Certainly the recent formation of the Expert Panel demonstrated that the government sees us; this campaign will ensure that they know us as well."

Those interested in documenting their story with infertility can visit www.iaac.ca
and click on "Share Your Story", or go to www.iaac.ca/my-story.

And from the website:
Whether you or someone you love faced infertility, please take a moment to share your story with the Ontario government.

Tell them that the work of the Infertility and Adoption Expert Panel matters.
Tell them about your struggle to start a family.
And tell them what's at stake.

OWD Shares Her Story

Sent by OWD (who is some kind of wonderful) via the My Story campaign:

I wanted to share with you my own personal story of how infertility has touched my life, and to ask you to consider this story, as well as the various stories you are receiving, as you consider the importance of the work of the Infertility and Adoption Expert Panel, and the Infertility Awareness Association of Canada.

A very close friend of mine, "Y", whom I have known for the past 15 years, has been struggling with infertility for the past several years.

Y and her husband work hard at their jobs. They live balanced lives, full of family, friends, hobbies, and personal interests. She and her husband are two of the kindest, most wonderful people I know, and if there is anyone who deserves to have a chance to have children, it's them.

After several years of struggling to conceive, enduring fertility treatments, and working with the Ottawa Fertility Clinic, Y was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure - something that is extremely rare for someone her age (31). While most people her age are having families, thinking about having a family, and starting new phases in their life, she is having hot flashes and experiencing the same symptoms as a menopausal woman. All while having to mourn the idea that she will never bear a child that is part her, part her husband.

She has struggled through this loss in the most graceful of ways - because she is an incredible person. She struggles almost daily to maintain her composure when an unsuspecting neighbour or co-worker playfully inquires why she and her husband haven't yet had kids, and tells her that time is running out, or there's no time like the present, or maybe she just needs to loosen up or go on a cruise! She avoids baby showers as much as she can, as it's something she finds unbearably difficult to endure. She finds it within herself to greet my children like they are the most wonderful human beings, even though it is a constant reminder of the idea that she herself may never have that kind of happiness.

Like most other people, they have financial constraints which limit where they choose to spend their money. Y and her husband have already spent a significant amount of money on fertility treatments - money they could have spent on things for themselves or for their retirement.

As an infertile couple, they have some options available to them - invitro fertilization with donor eggs, or adoption. Both have different implications from an emotional standpoint, but also from a financial standpoint. They struggle with trying to understand what a family means to them, and to what point they'll go in order to achieve this dream.

As they consider their options, they are faced with not only the emotional struggle of these choices, but the financial ones as well.

At the risk of sounding repetitive, these are two truly, truly amazing individuals, and it absolutely breaks my heart to think that they need to weigh the financial impact of such a choice with what they WANT in terms of a family.

My friend Y has the strength of character to get through this experience, but in her weakest of moments or darkest of days, she turns to organizations like the IAAC to help get her through these rough patches. These services are invaluable to help infertile couples cope with the medical and emotional challenges of infertility.

The IAAC says that infertility is one of the most profound challenges that infertile couples will ever face. These people cannot surpass these challenges without financial assistance and support services/infrastructure.

Y and her husband are lucky to have an extremely strong support structure comprised of family and friends. I have struggled with my inability to do anything to change Y's situation, until last year, when I offered to Y that I would donate eggs if she and her husband would consider IVF with donor eggs. We are in the initial stages of the procedure, and with any luck, sometime next year, Y could be pregnant.

I hope that my friend Y's story will have a happy ending. Your support of the Infertility and Adoption Expert Panel, and the Infertility Awareness Association of Canada would continue to ensure that there are more happy endings.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.